"Who are you?" No idea how to write about this

I got into some trouble at school and now I have to write a paper on who I am and how am I committed to staying in school. I have the hardest time writing about this subject. I basically would say a bio about myself but apparently that is not good enough. Any help would be appreciated, I am literally pulling my hair out over here. Thanks

Ok so here's the thing, I don't really know about your personality or the severity of what you've done, because that would be crucial in how to curtail your essay.

But if I was doing this generically, then here are some suggestions:

-Your Bio: In your bio your should consider expanding some areas of your life that is relevant and meaningful to being committed to learn and to stay in school.

-School life: You would also wants to do maybe a sort of school life bio, focusing on the positive things that you've experience during school. You could includes some of your interest, school related, like sports or a particular class that you really feel passionate about.

-Future aspirations: You may want to includes your future career goals and how going to school might help you achieve those goals.
-Concession:You would want to make some kind of concession in your paper, saying that you know you have made a mistake (even if you didn't) and that you are sorry for what had happen and that you are now a changed man.

-Conclusion: In my experience, it is better to always ends on a positive note. Returning to school will enabled you to get a better career, have a better future, and live a long happy life... So to speak.

These are just some suggestions that I would do if I was in your place, please feel free to ask anything you don't understand.

Goodluck

thank you, heres my first draft:

Along my journey in life I have made many mistakes. My current situation is by far the worst scenario I have dealt with. I developed bad habits and lost focus on what I wanted to do with my life. I never want to have to go through this type of situation again. The Drug Court Program constantly reminds me of the mistake I made. I am over this part of my life and look forward to making healthy and constructive decisions.

23 years ago my family moved from Colombia to the United States to start a new life. I was third born kin but the first to be a United States Citizen. I was blessed with opportunity to explore the world, test my strengths and find my interests. These interests have molded who I am today and have given me the focus to be successful.

Electronics have always been my passion. I can remember being a young boy and opening up every type of electronic device I would get my hands on. As I grew older I began to modify game consoles in order to "unlock" the devices full potential. Currently, I have a side business repairing computers, "jailbreaking" iPhones, and creating websites. These experiences have greatly affected me as an individual by making me a more innovative person.

In addition to electronics, I am a health enthusiast. My older brother introduced me to the bodybuilding world. I began working out at the age of 13. Soon enough working out was my passion. I studied diet and new exercises daily. I would wake up at 4 AM in order to work out before school and would force down at least 100 grams of protein daily. After my freshman year at Florida State University I then worked at the Leach Center as a personal trainer. This lifestyle has made me into a motivated and determined person and I know I can apply these same principals to any situation.

I want to be successful, and I know I have what it takes. I was distracted for a short period of my life but after having to go through this horrible experience I am now the most focused I have ever been on accomplishing my life goals. Higher education is a prime factor I need to really make a difference in the world and I hope that Florida State University brings me one step closer towards my goals by readmitting me.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Respectfully,
Alexander Torres

I'm going to be honest here and say that it's good for first draft. It has some personalized factors and it is able to conveyed the points and the main ideas across, which is good. The only thing that doesn't settle very well is the issue with organization of your main ideas/paragraphs. The organization is a bit choppy, it doesn't have much flow and main ideas seemed loosely connected. Perhaps work on the transitioning, maybe a sentence at the end of each paragraph, to better transition from one idea to another.


These two sentences are just poping out there. They seemed disconnected and would be better if you elaborate more about them individually.


I'm glad you concluded specific examples, but "jailbreaking" iPhones doesn't sound like a reformed convict. Just convict.

I absolutely love your usage of "health enthusiast," it sounded perfect for displaying a positive image.

Overall this is a good start. Just a little more transitions and better elaboration and I think you have something pretty good on your hand.

If I offended you at any point, then I'm sorry. Just trying to be of help.

amazing, thank you so much, no offense whatsoever but I now feel more confident about this letter