This is my essay for a speech contest. Please make any corrections. I also need help with the conclusion
(four paragraphs only) THANK YOU! I appreciate it.
On March 10, 2012, a hardworking man had to close his business as a result of financial struggles. This man used his family's savings with the hope that things were going to get better, unfortunately they did not. For the first time in twenty-five years he was unemployed. Not only was he unemployed but, he lost his family's house. Carlos Miranda is my hero because he shows courage and strength through all of his troubles. He has gone through many difficulties and sacrifices and always has a positive attitude and keeps moving forward.
At the age of eighteen, my father left Guatemala in search of a better life for him and his family. My father had to leave his family, friends, culture, and country to make a better life for the Miranda family. Four years later, my father had three jobs; although he was exhausted he needed the money to keep supporting his family. One night on his way to work he fell asleep and crashed into a brand new car. He received a debt of twenty-five thousand dollars. This took him four years to pay off, but he finally completed with his responsibility.
"In our lives we try to avoid difficult things, but I've learned that when I encounter them, not only I face them, I embrace them, at the end they make me stronger," these powerful words are said by my hero. My father teaches me how to have courage and not to give up when things become difficult.
On March 10, 2012, a hardworking man had to close his business as a result of financial struggles. This man used his family's savings with the hope that things were going to get better, unfortunately they did not. For the first time in twenty-five years he was unemployed. Not only was he unemployed but, he lost his family's house.
Are you talking about yourself or your father? Also, Carlos Miranda appears suddenly and abruptly. I think you need to improve the connections better with these characters. Then this flow would be arranged better.
Other than this clarity issue, it's written well :)
Does this sound better?
On March 10, 2012, a hardworking man had to close his business as a result of financial struggles. This man used his family's savings with the hope that things were going to get better, unfortunately they did not. For the first time in twenty-five years he was unemployed. Not only was he unemployed but, he lost his family's house. This hardworking man is Carlos Miranda, my father. He is my hero because he shows courage and strength through all of his troubles. He has gone through many difficulties and sacrifices and always has a positive attitude and keeps moving forward
I'm not sure on what to say in my conclusion. Any ideas.
THANK YOU!
This hardworking man is Carlos Miranda, my father.
This hardworking man is no other person, but Mr Carlos Miranda, my beloved father. .... I added those extra words as you are getting ready for a speech.
He is my hero because he shows courage and strength through all of his troubles.
He is my all time hero because he displayed his endless courage and strength, especially when he was in troubles.He has gone through many difficulties and
made sacrifices
and always has a positive attitude and keeps moving forwardfor the sake of his family. He always holds a very positive attitude that keeps him moving forward.Good writing :)
