Nice to see that you are trying your best to make a speak before your graduating class. I spoke to mine and wow, what an experience. Congrats!
I'm not sure how long your speech time is, but I would try, and everyone in the stands will hope that you try to make your speech somewhat shorter (unless the school is a small one, where you may have more time to talk)
Thank you for giving me this opportunity to speak to you. My name is Jonathan Abboud. I'm grateful to have served as the Student Union president this year. This fall, I will be attending the University of California at Santa Barbara.
Things like this, which are more personal, may be unnecessary, I'm not sure.
Although I haven't been a part of this community for as long as some here, I'll try to share with you some of my own thoughts and some of our common concerns.
More to the point, there are three parts to the education you receive in high school, in college, or in life. I will explain more about that later.
Here too, I'm confused. What do you mean three parts?
We shouldn't sit idle, learning nothing at all, learning mostly empty information, or learning only about a subject or two that interests us. The latter is what many perceive the point of college to be, which is false. A citizenry who limits itself to a narrow field of information better prepare for a grim world.
Very wordy. I lost the train of thought twice.
We don't want a world where people will learn only about the arts or sciences; yet remain ignorant of economics, simply because it doesn't appeal to them. Such people will fall victim to believing irrational ideas presented by those wanting to take advantage of their ignorance.
We don't want a world filled with people who won't concern themselves with anything outside of personal interests. Because then they can become the ignorant electorate with the power to change their country with their votes, while possibly not choosing anything that will result in meaningful change, or worse, will result in further decline or greater problems.
Repetitive, a bit wordy, somewhat in need or better word flow. Sounds very critical of a large population of the US.
However, academic education is only a fraction of a person's total education. Life after academia gives people experience in situations no school can ever teach.
This should be an In addition to academia, the life after it gives... Otherwise it sounds like you are contradicting yourself by saying that Academics are VERY important. However, the OTHER part after it is VERY important.
What we may learn in a government or political science class cannot compare to the experience of working with a local, state, or national official – either as an office employee or campaign worker.
Here, there's that disconnect again. You say that the real experience outside is more important/better than classroom experience. You need
to make it clear that the education we receive is only a beginning. a first dry run before we jump into the real world. It's background knowledge. The real world gives us hands-on experience, that yes, (cannot compare to the other one) <reword "cannot compare." it sounds odd
Any cultural studies class will not enlighten us the way visiting and living in the studied foreign location will.
Pops up suddenly? It does not flow well with the previous thought because you just leave the thought hanging.
Learning accounting methods will not give you the "kitchen table economics" knowledge that a single parent learns while trying to balance the family's budget. (Which, by the way, a single parent should not have to do on a mediocre wage and inadequate child support.)
Inside joke? I'm not quiet clear what you mean here. But it does sound intelligent, whatever that means.
Our unique experiences are the lessons we will pass on to the next generation, not the lessons learned in the classroom.
Many people, in the pursuit of more and more academic education have to pay the opportunity cost of sacrificing some years of rich life experiences. Those who can experience the two, come out the best.
Again, wording is somewhat colloquial, but I'm not getting a clear meaning. Reword?
We need the ability to know how to learn. That's it, the holy grail of existence.
I like the first thought. The second, maybe for you only. "holy grail" is quite a religious term. To say your thought "the ability to know how to learn" is that grail, is controversial.
One must be able to take the information, comprehend what happened, analyze its meaning, and synthesize to give it meaning. ... You cannot find a book anywhere on our planet which will teach you how to learn.
Again, I disagree. But hey, it's your speech.
Do we REALLY need to pump meaning into things? Bloom's taxonomy is a nice way, for some people, to give greater meaning to information. But do we TRULY need it? I say no. Maybe you say yes. Also, any source for that claim?
That is the point of a difficult and boring math class.
You just dissed math. :O I disagree. haha.
It's like building muscle; at first you have very little, but as you break it down by lifting weights (the equivalent to taking in new material), it will recover better than before.
Is that REALLY how we build muscle? interesting.
With your degree, hopefully you feel a civic duty to impart your knowledge on others and actively organize for a better World.
What does the latter mean?
Drop your idleness and over consumption of useless information, you know gossip about celebrities and the like.
Haha. That's America. funny.
Fight for something you believe in. Become like President Obama says the change you seek.
That's a REAL challenge. Rephrase sentence two here.
Ending is somewhat short. Too short.
Overall, I like how you made a strong point about education, about life experience, and about paths taken. Good stuff. Maybe shorten? Maybe make those points clearer? I like the quotes. However, some of this is way too general. Way too over people's head. Unless the point is made stronger, continuously throughout the speech, you may lose people's attention. Good luck on this speech. Cheers~