Many people like to call me "Idoonie" (well, mostly girls).
My ethnic background is part Turkish and part Chaldean. I speak Arabic and understand little of Turkish and Chaldean.
I have one brother and one sister, and both are older than me and in college.
My mom is just like any other -- caring, and willing to do anything for me.
...due to an infection in his blood during while being brought to the hospital. ---- did I fix this sentence correctly?
He was in the hospital because had a cancer called Leukemia. My dad was 62 when he passed away, only a couple of months short of turning 63. --- this is a very powerful part of the essay, and it really makes the reader connect with you. I think it should be given its own paragraph. Please divide the essay into paragraphs. One paragraph = one idea so an essay will have maybe 3 or 4 ideas.
Here is a new idea, so use it to start a new paragraph: I am a well-rounded person. I love to play the sports, including soccer, tennis, basketball, and football. I play soccer every year, on an indoor team and high school team, except for this year I am not doing soccer for Sterling Heights High School. The reason is that I pulled a muscle in my back in May of this year, which resulted in me going to physical therapy for a month; I am still recovering from my injury till today.
Again, start a new paragraph for new ideas:
Other miscellaneous characteristics reflect my personality. For example, one of my favorite foods to eat is sushi. I love to eat seafood. One of my hobbies is photography. I am really good at it, I enjoy taking pictures an keeping it for memories to come. Furthermore, one of my favorite movies is, "Goal: The Dream Begins." I recommend to all of you to watch it. It's about a kid like me chasing his dream to become soccer player. Can a man exist ....---- I like this paragraph, but did you notice that I had to add a TOPIC SENTENCE? I added a sentence to say something about how they all reflect your personality. The first sentence of any paragraph should say something about the main idea of the paragraph.
So, try dividing this into paragraphs, and google this:
how to write good topic sentences