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Jamie, a very strong willed, intelligent and inspiring person - Speech


answers: 3
Sep 19, 2010, 11:08pm   #
Im giving a 3 to 5 minute speech tomorrow and I was wanting to know if this sounds good??

any advice or changes need to be made feel free to share :)

Our lives are built by the people we give our time with and how they influence us. In my youth until now, one person has stood out the most in this role. Jamie Witte, my cousins girlfriend, she is a very strong willed, intelligent and inspiring person.

The first time Jamie influenced me would be when I watched the way she made not only me but other people feel in church. Jamie is very outgoing and will go up to anyone and talk to them. When i started going to church with her I was in 9th grade i was very shy and would not talk to anyone and seemed to come off as a snob. I didnt want to be involved in anything at church because i felt as if people would judge me. Jamie influenced by talking to me and feeling like I was wanted in the youth activities. She always knew how to make me feel welcome and helped me overcome my shyness.

The second way Jamie has inspired me is how she is so independent for her age. Jamie just turned 24 and she has finished college, moved to Birmingham away from her family in enterprise. She works as a human resource manager for a credit union, over music minstry at church,owns her own car, an just bought a new house not to long ago. She really inspires me on how she has took care of herself and done so well. Not many people in this generation have done as much as Jamie has and I really respect her for that & look up to her for that.

The third way she has infuenced me would be when she helped me though a very tough time in my life. This was a time where i felt alone, scared and I wanted to just give up. I had been in and out of a bad relationship, my dad was just dignosed with stage brian cancer, my house burnt down 2 days before chirstmas and my gradmother died not to long after that. I didnt understand why everything bad was happening to me. One Friday night me and Jamie was talking in her car and i started to just vent to her and tell her what was going on even though she already knew a little bit because she was dating my cousin. But after i got done venting she started to tell me that she had been through similar situations, she was in a bad relationship before my cousin but she found the courage to get out, she had just lost her dad to cancer, so she told me she knew how it felt to watch a parent have to step down because of a sickness, and she knew how it felt to lose a love one. She told me that," No matter what happens in life there is a purpose for it, you just have to fnd it." People us to tell me,"things happen for a reason" blah blah blah. But it just seemd like it all clicked when she told me and i started to lool at all my bad siatuations and tried to find the good out of them.

I really look up to Jamie for these reasons, and she has truely made me the person i am today either that be me being able to talk to somone, being independdnt or just trying to find the good in a bad situation.

Sep 19, 2010, 11:24pm   #
You get your point across clearly. The main things that could be cleaned up are grammatical errors (which won't matter so much if this is a speech). The fluidity of the first paragraph could be a bit stronger. For example, after you introduce Ms Witte you describe her a little bit. Then, in the 2nd paragraph, you say how she initially influenced you and then you describe her again. I would clean this up by combining her characteristics in one statement and then transitioning into how she initially inspired/influenced you into another.
Also, the third example is the absolute strongest piece of this speech. Consider opening with that statement.
mskinner89:
Our lives are built by the people we give our time with and how they influence us. In my youth until now, one person has stood out the most in this role. Jamie Witte, my cousins girlfriend, she is a very strong willed, intelligent and inspiring person.

You are missing an apostrophe in cousin's. Yet, I am not sure it is necessary to introduce her as someone's girlfriend... how about introducing her as a "confident, methodical thinker" or something... you know, something that describes her.

She really inspires me with the way she has taken care of herself and done so well.

typo: independdnt

:-)



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