zengrz: This transition is really subtle; just in the previous sentence, you talked about your father passing away. You have changed not only the tone, but also the subject, and this makes you speech sound strange. Instead, you can add a sentence in between to connect the subjects better. My dad was 62 when he passed away, only a couple of months short of turning 63. Despite that, I am still passionate about the things I loved (or something). I am a well-rounded person. I love to play the sports, including soccer, tennis, basketball, and football.
Yes. I also felt the same. Regardless of what you write, create a theme or main idea and stick with it. From this speech, I am kind of inferring that your main idea has to do with being a doctor. In that case, try to connect everything you say to that cause. For example, when you say your father passed away (I'm really sorry about that. I can't imagine what it would be like without my dad.), connect that experience to your desire to be a doctor. Do you understand what I mean?
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