Next Week, my teacher will hold a speech competion. Here is my script for it.
Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. I'm glad to stand here to deliver a speech. My topic today is What Helps College Students Find a Good Job after Graduation.
It is estimated that six and a half million new university graduates were hitting the job market this year and at the same time the world is experiencing an economic downturn. Earlier, it was also revealed that 20 million migrant workers had lost their jobs as a result of the global financial crisis.
Nowadays, finding a job is extremely tough, let alone finding a good one. As undergraduate students, we are ships in the harbor, while there are thunderstorms on the sea, but we can not watch the thunderstorms with bolded arms. Here are my views on helping college students find a good job.
First, build up real ability. For many students university life is essentially one party to another or one game to another. However, study weights nothing but ashes in their lives. On the other hand, some students spend all their time on textbook theory, forgetting that there are practices. Those studens with no real abilities would absolutely be rejeted by employers. Recently, in a few large companies, like HuaWei or Foxconn, their new admiting graduates are not working on their job imediately but attending training course to adap to their future work. Since Foxconn and HuaWei are big companies which have great investment on work force training, what about small companies they have little investment, however, it they that dominant the job market. To avoid from being rejected we should build up real ability.
Second, develop your out standings. jJob hunters only hve the skills that all others have are equal to those with no skills. As our ancestors say,"the new known to everybody is not news. But things may be changed, once you have your out standings. Then you are distinguished from others and you will impress your employer, thus, it enlarges the chances of your admission.
Thank you very much!
This is a good start, but could be much stronger.
First, begin your speech in a manner more likely to capture the audience's attention. Since you are speaking to fellow students, you might start with questions, such as "What are you going to do when you get out of school? Are you sure you can get a job?" Then you can move on to "Good afternoon," etc.
Next, I would like to see you include more supporting details. For example, to establish the importance of your topic, you could cite the unemployment statistics for college graduates in your country, state, or region. To support your argument that students must both attend to their studies and gain practical experience, you could quote a job recruiter or job recruitment website.
Moving on to details, I am not sure what you mean by "develop your out standings." "Outstanding" is an adjective, not a noun. You will need to find a noun or noun phrase to use where you are using "outstanding."
Finally, make sure you choose correct words. For example, I think you mean "folded arms" not "bolded arms."
You've chosen a topic sure to appeal to your audience and already have done good work organizing your arguments and finding some supporting evidence. With a little more research and careful attention to language, this could be an "outstanding" entry in your speech competition.
Add more specific details, concrete example, anecdotes you may have heard about or even personally experienced, that bear on the topics. As Simone says, statistics are good, and you should definitely have some that back up your points, but you also need narrative elements if you want your speech to be interesting.
Also, what time limit do you have to work with. Your draft seems a bit short, at the moment, so lengthening it with more details seems like it would be a really good idea. But, if you have to cram everything into 60 seconds of carefully delivered speech, then your task becomes more difficult, because you'll still need the extra detail, but you'll have to be extremely concise to fit it all in.
Thank you both.
Losing details is a commom shortage for me, whether it is a compositon or speech script I have to write. Simone's advice on add in some stastics. I've thought about it before writing this article, but my classmate are fed up dulling numbers. I agree with quoting a job recruiter or job recruitment websitte, and I'll try it.
By the way, the time limit of the speech is 90 seconds, so I have no time to say any useless words. Thank you Sean for reminding me of conciseness.
Yes, one must remember that audiences are often bored by long lists of numbers. However one strong or shocking statistic -- such as a high unemployment rate among college graduates -- can have the opposite effect and can capture the audience's attention.
