Introductory speech about myself, my family, my job

Myself
Good morning everybody dear teacher, dear friends, I stood up here to tell few words about myself. I think you know about me.But little. Firstly I will tell you about my family background.My father is late Mr Salamon Dodammulla. My mother is Mrs Sumanawathie. She is living with me. I have three sisters and two brothers. All of them are married. To my mind that's enough about my family background.
Now I will tell you about me. I am Sandya Kumudinie. I live in Malabe. But my home town is Malwana. My freinds call me Sandya. Iam married. My husbend is Kapila Perera. He is a lawyer. I have two kids. One is daughter. She is Eight years old. Oher one is son. He is two years old. In this movement I like to tell you bout my schools. Firstly I attended in my village school. Next I entered to Sangamiththa College. After I finished my g.c.e.advance level examination I followed few caurses in accounting field. Therefore I was able to get a job in accounting field.
Now I like to tell you about my free time. In my free time I like to do needle works. As well as I like to join with my kids and like to play badminten with them.
Now I will tell you about my job. I have been working at Sri Lanka Telecom as an assistant accountant. Really I satisfy with my job. Beacuse I get good salary, incentives, medical facilities such as. My main target is this to get a good knowledge in english. I think I can do it. Because I have met a good teacher.
To my mind I told you lot of think about my self. I think You also to tell about yourself. Therefore I will be silent wishing to you good night. Thank you.

Myself
Good morning everybody -- dear teachers, dear friends. I stood up here[would like] to tell [you in a]few words about myself. I think you know about me - but little. Firstly, I will tell you about my family.background My [late] father was late Mr Salamon Dodammulla and my mother is Mrs Sumanawathie. She is living with me. I have three sisters and two brothers, all of them are married. To my mind that's enough about my family background.
Now I will tell you about me. I am Sandya Kumudinie [and] I live in Malabe, but my home town is Malwana. My freinds call me Sandya. I am married [to] My husbend is Kapila Perera[,] He is a lawyer. I have two kids[chldren], one is [a] daughter She is eight years old, [and the] other[,] one [a two year old] son. He is two years old. In this movement I [would] like to[Let me] tell you [a little] about my school[ing]. First, I attended in my village[a] school in my village , [and] next I entered to Sangamiththa College. After I finished my g.c.e.[GCE]advance level examination, I followed [a] few courses in accounting field, [and] Therefore was able to get a job in accounting[that] field.
Now I like to tell you about my free time. In my free time I like to do needle work. As well as [and also] like to join with my kids and like to play badminton with them.
Now I will tell you about my job. I have been working at Sri Lanka Telecom as an assistant accountant[and am] really satisf[ied] with my job, because I get [the]good salary, incentives [and] medical facilities such as. My main target[goal now] is to [improve my]get a good knowledge in English [and] I think I can do it because I [may] have met [some]good teachers.
To my mind I [have]told you lot of think about myself, I think [now]. [Now] you also to tell [me]about yourself. Therefore I will be silent [now, and I] wishing to you [a] good night. Thank you.

Rajiv, thank you for making such comprehensive corrections. Sandya, I too believe that you will be able to improve your English, especially now that you have found such a good helper.

What is this speech for, exactly? Is it an assignment for a class, or are you actually going to be introducing yourself at some event?

I think you should keep writing as many essays as you can. Do not mind if it is full of errors. 2 days ago, I posted my first essay which I wanted delete just after posted not to embarrass myself. After reading these guys' comments (straight, clear and honest), it encouraged me to make more effort on writing a better one.

Good luck

I'm glad you didn't give in to that impulse!

Why should students be embarrassed about attempting to learn more about what they are studying? And, as I have said before, it is usually better to have your essays' errors and weakness pointed out here, rather than by a teacher or professor, or noticed by application officers.

Yes, That speach is an assignment for a class.

There is nothing embarassting about attempting to learn more. It was just me felt that way for a moment and had doubts about posting an essay. I just wanted to encourage people who doesn't like to be judged. I am sure there are plenty of students that are visiting this website and trying to have ideas about writing essay by just reading the posts. That was what I used to do for a long time. If you do not practise and then it will be harder to improve this skill.

Sorry, Orlando, that was a rhetorical question, also meant to be encouraging to others. I was not actually questioning your feelings on the matter.

I am sorry if I sounded like I am offended as I didn't mean to.

Hi there,

I will like to ask after our introduction, we will need to come out with a statement that is able to grab our audience's attention.
Any advice on that ? Coz I always seem to be having problems crafting out those statements..

Thanks in advance

Wow. Your teacher is right. You really are too vague/general/ambiguous. How could we possibly help you come up with an attention-grabbing statement when we don't know anything about yourself, your family, or your job? There are no generic attention-getters. You'll have to find something startling, surprising, amusing, or intriguing about yourself, your family, or your job.

Ooooh. Can I make up things about you in order to come up with attention getting statements for your speech? Let's see . . . how about "I'd like to tell you about the time I killed my parents." Or how about "I actually find necrophilia quite enjoyable." I guarantee either of those will have your audience staring at you in stunned silence.

Do you see the problem with your question as it stands?

"I am a professional assassin." "I come from a family of acrobats." "I'll never forget the day I was attacked by elephants."

It all makes sense. If you came from a family of acrobats, you and your family must have worked with a circus. When a rival circus family of jealous juggling clowns tried to get rid of your family's more popular act by directing rampaging elephants at your parents, you were forced to watch as they met an untimely, squishy fate. That night, once you had finished scraping your mother out from between "Big Betsy's" toenails so she could be buried, you slipped in the clowns' tents and set them ablaze by using the local fire-eater as an human flame-thrower. After being arrested by the police, you were recruited by a secret government agent, and became a professional assassin . . .

... but now that the Obama administration has ended the secret C.I.A. program under which you operated, you now need a new line of work. Hence you are in college, taking speech class and other basic courses to prepare you for your new occupation job as a...

This thread should come with a warning! I just about spewed my Coke all over my computer. It will take me a while to shake the image of Big Betsy's toenails.

"It is hard being only eighteen inches tall." "I'll never forget the day I discovered that I have the ability to become invisible at will." "The first time I saved a life, I was only three years old." "I had long suspected that my parents are aliens."