Ok, what is the question? It is important for us to know that to check whether your response meets its requirements :)
The way i'm overcoming an obstacle in life is that my parent's are not letting me work until i graduate high school.
....hey , you are a very lucky person :D
After reading your essay, I feel you should have first described the financial constraints your family is currently facing. Then tell , even if that is the situation, your parents still against the idea of employing you thinking that money will change your focus in life. Then say that you do understand their love and concern for your future, but you cannot keep them carrying the burden any more. So you apply for this scholarship. I feel it gives a better flow for your response. Anyway, without seeing the prompt, it is difficult to advice :)