Hello everybody!
I am going to apply for a scholarship in South Korea and one of the requested documents is a self-introduction. This is my first time doing such a thing so I'm not completely sure if what I included in the essay is right... So, if someone could just take a look and give me some tips or advice, I'd be treally grateful!
The application guidelines says to write: Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc; your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program; your motivations for applying for this program; reason for study in Korea. I am not including my goals of study and what I'm gonna do after I finish this program because there's another section for that.
Here you are what I have written until now. It's just a draft for the moment. (Note: I am Spanish and my level of English is not so good so obviously there will be some mistakes; I am planning to send it to a professional translator, so just ignore them :P ).
Self-Introduction:
Honestly, I do not remember exactly when I decided that I wanted to become a nurse. I guess that what we want to be in life is something inherent, something that we carry inside us since we are kids but not always is shown so young. What I already knew was that I wanted to devote my life helping others.
It is not wrong altogether to say that people who work in the health world "save lives", but choosing your career thinking only in this premise is not being entirely true to the reality. After years of practicing during my university career and then working as a nurse, I have learnt I can know, even if it is minimally, each of my patients and I have realized how much they appreciate those little details/gestures that help them to improve and endure a situation which they suffer physically, emotionally and spiritually.
(I don't know if I should put this paragraph here or somewhere else, or just delete it). On March 11th of 2011, when it occurred the great earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan, I was living in that country. Despite that terrible situation, my first thought was to go and help as far as possible. Thus, I went as a volunteer with a non-profit organization. It was a very hard experience seeing completely razed villages, but the gratitude of the villagers towards us was something beyond description that filled me; a fact that made me go another four times as a volunteer while I was living in Japan.
It still comes to mind, and put me a smile on my face, an anecdote from six years ago. I was still a student and I have ended my practice in the area of Traumatology just some few weeks before, when a man stopped me in the middle of the street. He was one of my patients in that service and, despite I was just a student, he thanked me for my work and effort towards him during all the weeks he was hospitalized.
I think that having the possibility to study in South Korea will enrich me both professionally and personally. I have worked in different areas such as Oncology, Palliative Care, Internal Medicine, Traumatology, Neurology and Neurosurgery, Pneumology and General Surgery, and each of them have given me knowledge and experience.
Thereby, I think studying in South Korea, such a technologically advanced country, will provide me an opportunity to know first-hand its health system, the differences with the Spanish one and to adapt all my knowledge from both countries to my education, my professional career and also my life.
I think the paragraph about the Earthquake should be written after the anecdote about the man thanking you while you were still a student. After writing that anecdote you should transition into the story about the earthquake with something like:
"A number of years later, on March 11th of 2011, the great earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan occurred while I was living in that country. Despite that terrible situation, my first thought was to go and help as far as possible. Thus, I went as a volunteer with a non-profit organization. It was a very hard experience seeing completely razed villages, but the gratitude of the villagers towards us was something beyond description that filled me; a fact that made me go another four times as a volunteer while I was living in Japan."
After years of practicing during my university career and then working as a nurse, I have learnt I can know, even if it is minimally, each of my patients and I have realized how much they appreciate those little details/gestures that help them to improve and endure a situation which they suffer physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I feel this sentence is a too lengthy. When your sentences are too long, the reader needs to keep remembering each point you have in your sentence to get the overall idea. That's too much work for the reader and he would not like it. :)
It still comes to mind, and put me a smile on my face, an anecdote from six years ago
It still comes to my mind while bringing a smile on my face, an anecdote I learned six years ago.