I need some help with this scholarship essay- please let me know if there are any weaknesses/things I need to expand on. Thank you!
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors helped you to grow? (800 word limit)
The bus stop was like a second classroom to me. Every school day, rain or shine, my mother would walk me down to my stop and teach me something new. In my home town of Jersey City, NJ, I learned how to count up to a thousand. When we moved to the bus stops of Orlando, FL, I learned how to multiply and divide. In Edison, NJ, I learned about photosynthesis and the water cycle. And finally, in Houston, TX, I learned how, sometimes, the most valuable education can come from the most unsuspecting of places.
Eventually, my mom had taught me so much that school could not keep up with my bus stop education. I skipped the fifth grade through credit-by-exam, and continued to excel in all of my school courses. After some time, my mom ran out of things to teach me, and told me about my mom ran out of things to teach me, and discussed my cultural and family background on the way to the bus stop instead. My mother emigrated from her native country, Georgia, after the dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991. She found herself alone in New York City with $50, an inapplicable degree in Georgian Literature, and virtually no job skills. She still held onto her American dream, however, and worked any job she could find while teaching herself English on the subway. It was in this very same city that she met my father, another immigrant. My dad gave up his high-paying mathematics job in India to become a frycook at a McDonald's in America, where he saved every paycheck until he could afford to go to a public university in Virginia, and later move to New York. They instantly hit it off, and once they started a family, they vowed that they would teach their kids the same values they cherished the most- hard work, perseverance, and most of all, having the courage to chase your wildest dreams.
I have always appreciated the fact that I have two immigrant parents from such different backgrounds. I am proud of my rich Indian-Georgian heritage, and I have learned so much from their stories in addition to my own experiences. I would not change anything about my life, even when times were hard. In Jersey City, my father often had to rent out half of our house to make ends meet. In Orlando and Edison, my five-person family lived in a single room of a 2-bedroom apartment, as my dad struggled to support my grandmother, my aunt, and my uncle. In Houston, there was a year when we could not afford even a small Christmas as my dad was in an automobile accident and lost his job in the same year. I have never, however, cursed our misfortunes or financial hardships. I believe that hardship and frugality have shaped me into the person I am today and have only made me stronger and more appreciative of my family and all of the things that I do have. I believe that my days on the bus stop are more memorable than my days of poverty.
Even now, in high school, where I have finally outgrown being accompanied to the bus stop with my mom, I continue to educate myself on the bus stop. The quarter mile walk has been the perfect amount of time to ponder classical British literature, or quantum mechanics and derivatives, and I long for more long walks in the future. (581/800 words)
- the most unsuspecting of places.
- After some time, my mom ran out of things to teach me, and told me about my mom ran out of things to teach me,(this is complete typo error, so be careful ) ..
- ...hardship and frugality have shaped..
- Even now,Now that I'm in high school,
Very compelling essay and a rewarding life, day in and day out.
I hope that my remarks help and with your endeavor in the future, I can only hope for the best. You did a good job in staying optimistic despite life's mischiefs and I know that it will not stop here so keep your grounds grounded and your hopes up higher than ever.
For future reference, I wish to see a lot more writing and play with words that can enhance your essay.
