As a scholarship student, who is studying in the one of the popular university in the northeast of Thailand. My name is Kry Muoyleaph. I'm having a bachelor degree class at SakonNakhon Rajabhat university through Her Royal Highness Princess Maha Chakri Siridhorn scholarship. Being a scholarship holder, I am honor to be invited to join ASEAN Network Camps which provides such a good benefits such as learning ASEAN culture and cross Estern culture.
What's summer camps? It was the question raised in my mind while I heard this program in the work shop in university. How important is it?and how interested it is for me? I was curious to know the answer, so I keep asking the question to my friends and my teachers about it all time. In addition, I would like to explain you why I want to take a part in this exchange culture program. This program is a series of events designed with a golden opportunity for students who joined the summer camps to explore the real world. Further more, candidates are allow to interact with and learn from people who have a different lifestyle and to get in on in new and unique acquaintance beyond their own communities. More over, this exchange culture program is arrange to impact student with more confident by leaving comfort zone and dig into other to meet different people of different nationalities, culture and also the way to live and point of view. Becoming a woman with high confidence and good communication is very important for me to find my future bright because we can't work alone in this giant world. Understanding culture will make me keep in touch with people around me and also learn about my own culture as well. What they are language,food,culture and tradition be like, does it the same mine or opposed one. Knowing as much people as possible is the best way to build the way for myself in my career as a agricultural student. This helps me discover something new and interesting to add on my field because life is not about to study but empirical practice and experience. All of these would be a big point of experience in my life to change myself from a tiny girl who's dream about explore the world to find something that her never meet before and to learn from the experience.
After I collect all information and I know that summer program and exchange culture would give me to fulfill my potential and would help me to achieve a goal to be a bilingual expert of my job. Now I am ready for it and no matter how hard it is, I will try my best to get what I want. I hope you will a chance for me to show the world
Who I am.
Hi, Kry!
Below is my suggestions.
As a scholarship student, who is studying in the one of the popular university in the northeast of Thailand. >> This sentence is confusing for me because of its incompleteness due to the missing of of verb and its main clause.
..................., I am honor to be invited to join ASEAN Network Camps which provides such a] good benefitssuch as learning ASEAN culture and cross Ea stern culture.
What's summer camps? >> What was summer camp, it need to be separated
Further more , >>furthermore, do not be separated
candidates are allowed to interact with >> it is passive right?
More over , >>again no need to be separated, moreover
this exchange culture program is arranged to impact student with more confident by leaving comfort zone and dig(I hardly understand this word) into other to meet differjavascript:paste_strinL(selektion,3,''+'0000FF'+'','','');ent people offrom different nationalities, cultures and also (who have different) the way to live and point of view.
Becoming a woman with high confidence and good communication (skills)is(are) very important for me to find my future bright(bright future) because we can't(can not) work alone in this giant world.
This helps me (to) discover something new and (it is) interesting to add on my field because life is not (only) about to studying but it also about empirical practiceing and (getting) experiences .
......who's(who has a) dream about(to) explore the world to find something that her(she) never meet before and to learn from the experiences.
After I collecting all information and I knoe w that summer program and exchange culture would give me (chances/opportunities) to fulfill my potential and would help me to achieve a goal to be a bilingual expert of my job. >> actually to me this sentence seems too crowded with ideas / information, but unfortunately I can not find the main verb of the sentence.
Now, (comma is needed) I am ready for it and no matter ...
I hope you will (give) a chance for me to show the world Ww ho I am.
Hopefully that will be helpful. (:
Hi Kry, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, may you find this website credible and valuable to your revision and writing references. We aim to provide you with the most accurate remarks, objective criticisms and hopefully useful insights to your writing tasks.
Now here's what I have for your essay.
- As a scholarship studentrecipient ,
- who is studying in the one
- of the popular universityuniversities in
- My name is Kry Muoyleaph- this information is not necessary
- , I'm havingtaking a - bachelors degree
- Being a scholarship holder,- we have established this in the beginning of the essay so no need to mention is again
- I am honored to be
- which will providessuch a
- and cross Esternforeign Eastern culture.
- What'sis a summer camps ? - I believe this is more appropriate in this part of the essay
There you have it Kry, I hope the corrections above help you see the difference in the original essay and after the modifications. There are quiet a work to be done in your essay, I understand that this is not your mother tongue and this adds to the difficulty in coming up with a well written essay, however, practice is the best helper in getting better if not the best at this craft. I hope you follow through with the corrections done and you do the same for the rest of the essay.I wish to review your final revision soon.
