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I require cutting-edge knowledge in Computer Science; Financial need for SCHOLASHIP


illumination 1 / 1  
Mar 8, 2013   #1
The prompt just asks me to "Describe your financial need for this scholarship." and it needs to be within 300 words.

I have done research on financial need scholarships and some are different. Some tell a story of struggle for financial stability and others tell a story on goals and them give a hint on how financial need will be needed to fulfill these. I went with the latter. Any suggestions on how to fix is up will be helpful!

Here is what I've written!

For the past two years, I have developed a great passion towards learning about computer science. The reason for this is because I understand that it's the one industry that will propel me forward towards success. Ever since learning about the field, I dedicated my time toward gaining experience. Developing websites and experimenting with programming languages helped broaden my understanding and structure of the field.

My most valuable experience was in a Visual BASIC programming class. I got a more methodized learning atmosphere where I could collaborate with others when problems arose. I took each assignment with an open mind and wide-eyed curiosity. One of the projects entailed reading files into arrays, sorting the information using bubble-sorts, and formatting print layout. During this project, I thought about how much work and time goes into coding a program which makes the users experience efficient. Having this effect for a user is essential but when it comes to making it happen, there will be sacrifices in personal and business life; which I'm willing to do. However, I find that financial restraints are halting my future studies. With two siblings in university my parents are under financial stress. With financial aid my parents can be relieved of monetary stress and I can pursue my dreams. (I'm thinking about adding more here or editing this last section.)

To move forward, I require cutting-edge knowledge in Computer Science from an accredited institution. I believe that the program offered by X X X will fulfill this by being the first step toward achieving my goals. Therefore, I am eager to be exposed to a community of other ambitious students and to help process a bright future.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 9, 2013   #2
The reason for this is because I understand that it's the one industry that will propel me forward towards success.

Be a little more specific as to why you think it would make a good future for you.

However, I find that financial restraintsconstraints are haltinga great barrier for my future studies

With two siblings in university my parents are under financial stress. With financial aid my parents can be relieved of monetary stress and I can pursue my dreams. (I'm thinking about adding more here or editing this last section.)

Yes .... you need to elaborate the need for financial assistance. Talk more about your parent's inability to support you financially. Try to convince them that you have genuine reasons. Add more feelings and emotions when you explain those difficulties. So, in a nutshell, you need to tell them that you deserve to pursue studies ( you have tackled this part with talking about your passion as well as vision) and then the hardships (mainly financial).
OP illumination 1 / 1  
Mar 9, 2013   #3
I looked over it and came up with this. This extra bit brings the whole essay to 300 words though.

"However, I find that financial constraints are a barrier for my future studies. With two siblings in university my parents are under financial stress. Due to high tuition, my mother and father work twelve laborious hour shifts to compensate for their losses. I also work part-time after school to save up for intended supplies at college. Even with our struggles, we work hard to provide a quality lifestyle for another."
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 15, 2013   #4
"However, I find that financial constraints are a barrier for my future studies. With two siblings in university my parents are under financial stress. Due to high tuition, my mother and father work twelve laborious hour shifts to compensate for their losses. I also work part-time after school to save up for intended supplies at college. Even with our struggles, we work hard to provide a quality lifestyle for another."

However, the financial constraints stand my way as a major obstacle; My parents are under severe stress with their struggle to provide for our education . They try their best to meet the ends by working extra hours, but the income they generate with all means is not sufficient to manage all our requirements. I too work part time to ease off their burden by looking after my day to day expenses at college.


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