"People helping people" Scholarship Essay

Scholarship Essay (300-500 words):
Credit unions are not-for-profit financial cooperatives that exist to serve members, not generate profit.
"People helping people" is the philosophical foundation of these institutions. Explain the value of this foundation. Be sure to include information about:
- the historical importance of the philosophy;>need HELP!
- examples of the philosophy and their impact on society;
- your personal interpretation of the philosophy and how you have demonstrated "people helping people" in your life.
To tackle this essay, I drew out an outline. please critique what I've written so far and tell me how I can mold my outline and eventual essay into something better.

I guess my thesis or, more appropriately, my central idea, would be: "the philosophy of 'people helping people' is one of great value." This is what I hope my essay will convey and continually reflect back on throughout its duration.

Outline:
Opener- It is so rare today to find a company you can trust, one that provides customers with quality service and regards them as individuals, not merely additional venues for profit. The philosophy of "people helping people" is the type of work practice I hope to see modeled more frequently in our society.

A- Historical importance of philosophy: Any ideas? This was the hardest bullet for me since I don't really know any historical events reflecting this philosophy

B- MY interpretation of the philosophy and how I demonstrated it personally:
a. mention hospital volunteering
Throughout my junior year, I spent six hours of every week volunteering at my local medical center. Working in an institution devoted to bettering the lives of people through health care, I have personally lived out the philosophy of "people helping people" through my experiences with the patients and staff.

b. KEY club fundraising (UNICEF, etc.)
c. walks for breast cancer (mention collaborative effort of people working for a good cause)
C- Philosophy's impact on society
The philosophy of "people helping people" is [essential for progress <re-word?] but rarely found in our society today. In our capitalist-dominated environment, our nation seems to have forgotten the value of working to help others, becoming all-too-concerned with self-profit (selfish gains). It is refreshing to find that there are still companies out there retaining their integrity amidst self-concerned (and profiteering/profit-minded) competition. In our dwindling (/down-spiraling) economy, our nation has to re-learn the value of providing quality service to customers, thereby creating a cycle of progressiveness and mutual benefit.

Memorable Ending: ??

It is better to have a thesis that is narrow, not broad and general like this one. Perhaps you could write:
The great value of the philosophy of 'people helping people' as it manifests in credit unions consists of _______, __________, and ___________. (this will make it substantial and complex)

Your writing is very good, so the thing to do is model your 5 paragraph essay after their 3 bullet points. For each bullet point, write a topic sentence, which will grow into a paragraph.

For the historical significance of this quote, you can look here to get started: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Credit_union#History

It is not about the quote, but rather, about credit unions. It will work out well this way; they are asking about the philosophy that underlies credit unions, not an analysis of the actual quote.

Just a suggestion, this whole website could be an example of that philosophy. People helping people. Isnt that what everyone is doing?

nice, I never thought of mentioning this site before. Thank you both.