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"The opportunity to be part of LSE" - Scholarship for LSE


SJ23 1 / 10  
Apr 22, 2011   #1
I am require to cover these questions...

1.Explain why you are applying for financial support from LSE
2.Give further relevant details about your financial situation, including how you have financed your undergraduate study and why you feel your case is particularly deserving

3.Describe your academic interests
4.Describe your relevant work experience (paid or unpaid) related to your programme of study
5.Outline your career objectives, and demonstrate how the programme you plan to undertake at LSE will contribute to these objectives. (This may include reference to how your study will assist you to contribute to the future development of your home country, if appropriate)

I want to add opening para but out of ideas, plus tell me what to do with ending as well and what shud i add where i place a question mark. And of course every other suggestion would be of great help :)

Living in a country like Pakistan provides enormous opportunities to observe economic phenomenon from different perspective. It provides hands-on experience of the consequences of poor economic decision making in various aspects such as unstable Sensitive Price Index (SPI), excessive defense budget, energy crisis and inefficient tax collection. The economic dilemma Pakistan has been facing for 65 years shapes the lives of people live in this country.

The damaging impact of poor economic conditions imprints my childhood. I have seen my father as always busy working day and night to meet both ends meet; I remember few occasions and time he shared with us. He worked hard so that he can give us a better life style, good education and basic needs of life. The day he gets the retirement I was happy, unable to realize completely and overshadow by joy of his company that his responsibilities are not yet over. I started undergraduate study at university at the same time and as reality start shadowing me, I become apprehensive that with poor pension benefits and no scheme like social security in Pakistan, it will be difficult or rather impossible to support my education. The day I realized this, I become responsible and I set two objectives for my self. First, to work hard and find out possible ways to share my father's burden. Second, to contribute towards the betterment of society in order to help families and students like me ....?

To accomplish first target, I strive to be eligible for Merit Scholarship from Institute of Business Management (IoBM) to ease father's burden. It was challenging as the eligibility criteria required maintaining 3.5 GPA consecutively, which means complete dedication, concentration and motivation. Support from family members especially my parents helped me enormously to dedicate and concentrate on studies and successfully receiving Scholarship from IoBM.

Being an economic student drive me to see a bigger picture. The challenges I associated with a single household extend to whole economy. I have conducted research on various economic issues. Pakistan's economy becomes a fundamental topic for me partly because of the experiences and partly because of the rapid increase in wealth on one hand and unendurable level of poverty on the other. Another part of economics I find captivating is the use of theories and their development from Mercantilism to Post Keynesian. I have been introduced to The Invisible Hand and the Tragedy of the Commons. My interest in trade mechanism increase by Theory of Comparative Advantage and Heckscher-Ohlin trade model which helped in understanding the situations faced by country involve in trading and impact of international trade.

To gain practical experience in a workplace, I worked for four weeks at a Bank's treasury back office where I learnt the importance of financial system along with the gravity of central bank's role in implementing regulation and to controlling monetary phenomenon in an economy. In addition, six weeks internship in branch banking not only polished my social skills while interacting with customers, but also taught me much about adaptability, accountability and time management in a work place.

To achieve second self setting target, I started with the contribution of an article to Economic Magazine of college which not only allowed me to employ various research techniques but also ameliorated my analytical skills. My article titled "Monetary Tightening: A difficult choice", emphasized on rational and trade-off between Monetary Tightening and Impact on Economic Growth of Pakistan. The importance of economic decisions and the way it affects the live of people and society by interlinking every sector of economy shape my passion to pursue career in chosen field.

Besides, life turnouts unexpectedly in ways that only strengthen my passion, determination and motivation. In 2008, I was found with potential symptoms of breast cancer, the stress and anguish coupled with fear led me to understand that nothing comes easy. I have seen my parents making amendments in house budget to support my medical bills and operation. Fortunately, the results turnout to be negative but the experience and situation my family faced reinforced the fact that I need to be part of the future which provides significant job opportunities for families so that they can survive under such situation by not worrying about the income. Also, to have more affordable ways to help students who have potential to be in a noble profession but are in jeopardy only because of poor economic condition in my country.

I have experience events which are outcomes of lack of economic efficiency. To fulfill my goals, I want to learn the other sides of economics from those who have successfully implement the theories and concepts. Traveling to UK and being part of LSE would equip me with knowledge to contribute towards the solutions to help our economy. The opportunity to be part of LSE hinder by financial problems. I understand the road ahead will have many challenges, but I am determined to face them for the betterment of people. The only thing I require is a chance.
eternalclipz 1 / 7  
Apr 24, 2011   #2
Hi, sorry if I can't provide a more meaningful reply. I got my hands tied, but I'll try to get back once I'm free. I've browsed through the essay and here are my comments.

I think there are some tense-verb agreement (I don't know exactly what its called) corrections needed. I spotted a few.

(1) Being an economic student drivedrove me to see a bigger picture.
(2) Pakistan's economy becomesbecame a fundamental topic
(3) I have experienceexperienced events which are outcomes

I'm a bit iffy about the breast cancer incident. It did not connect well with the paragraph or the essay, although it would be a great opening narrative if you could somehow integrate it successfully with the whole essay.

Cheers.
OP SJ23 1 / 10  
Apr 24, 2011   #3
thanks for the help i spotted few my self and i already revise the essay

n yes about that i m also not sure but i was highly advised to add that because I faced various problems due to unavailability of good doctors as education is quite expensive and people can't even afford it and those who do specialization they went abroad mostly because of lack of job opportunities, so i was trying to explain that but i couldn't do justice with that particular para.
eternalclipz 1 / 7  
Apr 24, 2011   #4
By any chance would the time you were having symptoms of breast cancer coincide with your undergraduate studies. You could add the breast cancer part into the second part to increase the gravity of your situation during that time at the same time freeing more space for the essay. What I found lacking was how you would use your studies to help the development of your country. Is it your dream to work in the central bank to help stabilize and promote growth through monetary policy? Or government/NGOs to help plan out fiscal policies? I'm just postulating with these examples but my point is that the idea of how you would use your studies to help your country could be developed more.

Sorry if I sound a bit arrogant, its, well, just how I write in English. Sorry for that haha. All the best.
OP SJ23 1 / 10  
Apr 24, 2011   #5
lol no you are right and yes that is what exactly i am looking forward to do for the development.
Thank you for pointing that out.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 24, 2011   #6
Why do you want to add a paragraph? Is it less than the suggested length? Less is always more in writing.

I really like your ending! Very good idea...

...to observe economic phenomena from different perspectives.

The economic dilemma Pakistan has been facing for 65 years shapes the lives of people live in this country.(Right here, add a sentence that lets the reader know what your main idea is. Then end the first paragraph. Know what I mean? Before ending the first paragraph, make your main point.

The damaging impact of poor economic conditions ...

Oh... I really like your writing style.

The day I realized this, I became...

responsible and I set two objectives for myself. -----One word: myself

Let's keep it simple here:
To achieve second self setting target, I started with...

Besides, life turnouts unfolded unexpectedly in ways that only strengthened my passion, determination and motivation.---I changed it to the past tense.

...situation my family faced reinforced the fact that I need to be part of the future which provides significant job opportunities for families so that they can survive under such conditions without worrying about income. ---I made some small changes here.

This is brilliant! I think they will recognize a serious student.
OP SJ23 1 / 10  
Apr 25, 2011   #7
Thank you for liking :)

well it seems like there is something missing that is why i want to add a paragraph but i think you just point that out, all i need is to add a main idea and yes i very much agree with you Less is always more in writing...

i will make the changes accordingly...

thanks for your help i really appreciate that !!


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