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'member of Sudanese-Korean Friendship association' Writing KGSP graduate Letter of Self-introduction


Tassa 1 / 1  
Mar 19, 2016   #1
Hello everyone! I'm Tassa from Sudan and I'm applying for the KGSP master's program, I need help with my self-introduction letter it's the first one that I ever write, I'm running out of time as the application deadline is approaching!!!! I'll be very appreciative for your help.

o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea

I was 13 years old when my family and I moved back to our home country Sudan after my father was discharged from his job. I was born and raised in UAE. My parents had the most influence in my life, they raised us to be open-minded and self-motivated. When we were children, they used to take us to sports activities and books exhibitions, my father would never give us money for nothing, whenever I ask for money he would make me do something to earn it, even if it was to help my younger sister with her homework. As I grew up I thank him for that, for preparing us and teaching us that life is about taking and giving in return. We grew up to be independent,confident and willing to help others. As I've been involved in many voluntary experiences I realized that as much as there are people in need of help, there exists devoted and passionate people to be there for help. With the lack of educational resources here in Sudan, I'm aspiring to acquire knowledge and research capabilities from globally acknowledged institutions and share it with Sudanese youth yearning for excellence and competitiveness as well.

Life is unexpected; what I thought at first to be a misfortune turned into an opportunity for me, I realized that us moving back had a huge effect on whom I am now, a more aspiring and optimistic view was developed and a desire to inspiration. Coming with an outsider perspective; I could see the inequality in lives between where I was raised and my home country and a desire flamed deep inside to change my surroundings. I always believe that God has created this whole earth for us to explore it, and made us different to experience the beauty of our diversity not to remain in isolation. As I believed that being acquainted to people throughout my life had shaped my way of thinking, I'd like to travel and explore more to develop myself and be more responsible and independent and to broaden my horizons.

In school I got excellent records and made it through up till I got accepted into the top university in Sudan and majored in Information Technology. Ever since I was a freshman I knew how to spend my spare time, I started learning French language that I was fond of and participated in different voluntary activities; I was part of a group of youth from several universities, among many activities we provided winter clothing in the suburban areas of Khartoum, the capital city, and had an agreement with a specialized studio and produced audio lessons for visually disabled elementary students. In addition to organizing and presenting exhibitions and seminars in different topics, that gave me opportunities to work closely with groups of people from different backgrounds as a result I was more adaptive to different standpoints. As I graduated, I was in need of money and in-dependency as well , I was lucky to had found a job right after my graduation and started my first job as a receptionist and admin support, I've learned a lot form the experience in planning, organization and taking responsibilities and initiatives, I also met wonderful people. Few months after, I found an internship opportunity in an IT consultancy company in which I've completed 3 months till now, I was glad to have this chance to work closely with professionals in my field of study and to explore applications of technology. Recently this month I started a job as a teacher assistant in my university beside my internship duties, I'm responsible for supervising and tutoring computer laboratory sessions consequently I'm strengthening my sense of responsibility and integrity.

When I was in third year I accidentally ran across a channel that broadcasted a Korean drama, I was attracted immediately by the scenes and soon fell in love with the language! I didn't understand the script but it was captivating. From that day on I became a fan of Korea! I started learning Korean on my own, soon I learned that many in Khartoum did too, we became friends and established a Korea lovers community, we had meetings to share our passion for Korea and had a burning desire to spread it in our communities, we attended the cultural events that were related to Korea and had our own ones, organized Korean culture exhibitions to introduce traditions, cuisine, history, etc. we met Korean students and residents in Khartoum and made friends with, we also arranged a meeting with a visiting taekwondo team from Baekseok University. Recently I became a member in the Sudanese Korean Friendship association and currently a part of the organizing team planning for the first Korean cultural day in Sudan.

Besides my extreme interest in the Korean culture and language, Koreans are the most civilized people I've ever met, they live according to high values and believes, they value hard working and respect others regardless of their identities and differences. In addition to the friendly environment for the international students, South Korea is topping the world ranking of innovation and education quality, it is a popular destination attracting scientists and educators From all corners of the earth. Obtaining a degree from an acknowledged Korean institution is a life time achievement for me.
aviniwirastri [Contributor] 10 / 35 11  
Mar 20, 2016   #2
As I grew up I thanked him for that

As I've been involved in many voluntary experiences, I realized that as much as there are people in need of help
i realized that many people need helps .

there exists devoted and passionate people to be there for help
this sentence is little bit confusing.
arrange the subject and verb properly.
there is not a noun, so it cannot be a subject of sentence.

I realized that us moving back had a huge effect on whom I am now
the sentence is not clear,
is it i realized that we move back having a huge effect on what i am now
or
i realized that moving back of U.S has a huge effect on what i am now

I always believe that God has created this whole earth for us to explore it

In addition to organizing and presenting exhibitions and ...
the sentence needs main subject and verb

As I graduated, I was in needneeded money and in- dependency as well , I was lucky to had foundfind a job right after my graduation and started my first job as a receptionist and admin support, I've learned a lot form the experience in planning, organizationorganizing and taking responsibilities and initiatives, I also met wonderful people.

a part of the organizing team planning what does the phrase mean?
a part in organizing team plan / a part of organizing team planner / a part of team-planning organizer

they live according to high values and believes,
according to me, the proper sentence is they live in high value of what they believe
they value hard working and respect others regardless of their identities and differences
their value of working hard and respecting others regardless of......

my advice :
the most important problem you have is punctuation. i think you need to understand more about how to use period "." and comma ",". learn how to use each symbol properly. because if you put it wrong, your sentences will be confusing.

thank you, i hope it will help you.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 21, 2016   #3
Hi Tassa, I have read your essay, particularly the introduction that you said you need help with and I came up with a conclusion that it is not badly written at all.

It is actually not the usual introduction, it has a different approach, in a very positive way, I would not want it to be changed or augmented. Moreover, it has a certain character that tells the reader, yes, you may be an amateur writer but this is the essence of writing an essay, to seek help in order to be good at it and in this case, to seek further knowledge by taking a leap towards the KGSP program.

Instead of focusing on the introduction, I suggest that you look at your essay in a more concrete way, this will give justification to your work and provide you the overall outcome of what you created.

Tassa, I do wish you get in the program and fulfill your dreams, the program is also a great addition to your academic journey and to yourself as a person, before submission, read your essay out loud and be very critical in reviewing you own work.
OP Tassa 1 / 1  
Mar 21, 2016   #4
Many Thanks justivy03 , your words really wormed my heart.
I'm trying to improve my writing wish me luck ^ ^
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 22, 2016   #5
HI Tassa, I feel good reading your feedback and believe it or not, there's no other thing that makes me happy than reading you feedback, saying that we were able to help and guide you in this journey as well be able to paint a new chapter in your life. I just want to share that, I never thought I would be able to be a contributor here in EF, however, I dreamed and I believed that one day, I will be able to help and help is what my heart desires. Then, a few years past and look at me now, I'm able to write and critic your work. What I'm saying is, dream, believe and put your heart in your work, nobody will do what you want to become in life but you, as what my Chinese friends say, if you want to be rich, work for the money, money will never work for you, if you want to help, help with your heart and with the utmost passion towards helping others and do not expect anything in return.

Tassa, as we grow older, technology is going to be more advanced, therefore, our dreams and aspirations should be too. Dream for greater good and for the welfare of not only yourself but of others too.

Going back to your essay, when doing the revision, mind the suggestion that was given to you, this will help you enhance your essay and guide you in creating a better letter.


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