I want to be an important decision maker ; Scholarship

Hello guys,

I'm writing this essay about academic excellence to apply for a scholarship at Hult Business School. I'd like some help on what I should change to make it sound better.

Here's the prompt:
What is the relevance and importance of academic excellence for a successful career?
How will success in your studies help you be successful in the business world?
What are your future aspirations and how will your education at Hult help you achieve them?

Notice that I wasn't told to say anything about the scholarship, only about academic excellence. This is what I've got so far:

Education is the base of our future and achieving excellence in it shows our commitment and vocation. The set of skill and knowledge available through education can only be completely obtained by committing to academic excellence. Not to mention there is only so much time we spent under the guidance of more experienced people than us and we have to make the most of it. If you have strived for excellence in your studies you will be a level above people who haven't, because you have overcame all the challenges that you have faced during your education, and then again there is not a better sign that you will overcome all the challenges in your future. We study not only so we can prepare to develop ourselves in a professional environment, but also so we learn which are the things we'd love to do and how to do them best. The life will always throw opportunities at us; it's our responsibility being intellectually prepared to seize those opportunities and the path to achieve that is through academic excellence.

In my job as a personal math instructor I've always tried to encourage my students to aim high when it comes to their education, even if they don't feel like they are able to make it. I believe even the hardest sacrifices you make to complete your education will be reattributed in the future.

Studying is an investment of time and money; whenever we invest in something our interest is to make the greatest profit. With this in mind, when I get into Hult International Business School my intention is to excel in all aspect, especially academically. The reason why I choose Hult over other business schools and why I know it's the best for my future is expressed through excellence itself in a phrase by Warren G. Bennis, saying: "Excellence is a better teacher than mediocrity. The Lessons of the ordinary are everywhere. Truly profound and original insights are to be found only in studying the exemplary."

My aspirations for the future are great. I want to be an important decision maker and project planner in a big international corporation, for this reason I'm certain that academic excellence is a necessity for me. As Hult is known for their corporate relations and for the return of the student's investment, therefore in conclusion of all I've said above I know that if I strive for excellence at Hult I'll be on the right track.

i really enjoyed your essay! Although Didgeridoo has a point about elaborating a bit more on the second and third question. I would advise you to be a bit more specific to the future aspirations that you have. Keep in mind that there are many people who are writing about the same aspirations as you so by giving more details, y you can turn a really general aspiration into a more unique one that will jump out to the reader. Good luck!