Hello everyone,
I am filling out a scholarship that is geared towards Hispanic community college students. This is my first draft, and I was wondering if I should add more details.
I would appreciate any help possible.
Cheers!
Essay 1 (250 - 500 words)
What does being Hispanic mean to you, and how do your life experiences shape your answer?
Being Hispanic clearly defines my humbleness and interconnectedness with the place I came from, Colombia. Growing up in Colombia was certainly different from growing up in the United States. There, we lived in a town where economical development was an issue, and to this day, the place looks the same as it looked 15 years ago. While growing up in the U.S., I noticed the many perks I had. I was able to attain a credit card, buy my own car, and move into my own apartment and live life as an adult at such an early age. In Colombia, this is something that can't be done unless you come from a very wealthy family.
Every time I go back to visit, I realize that we take things for granted here in the U.S. We as Hispanics can get to persevere here in the U.S., but some people do advance in life sometimes forgetting the place where they came from. They forget that they came from very little and some from very nothing. It is why I choose to never forget my roots; it has helped me stay connected with my country, because I too came from very nothing.
Being Hispanic also means the pursuit of happiness. Colombia is known as the happiest and most welcoming place in the world. It is because people there are happy without much, cell phones, cars, luxury items, etc. Some people have little to nothing and are able to give a smile throughout the day and enjoy their life; I can attest to this as I have been there many times and seen this with my very own eyes. Here in the U.S., I have met people who have it all and who have succeeded in their life wonderfully. Yet they are not happy at all, and that smile I see in the faces of Colombian people, I long for it here every day. I have certainly persevered here in the U.S., but I have not forgotten to give thanks and to remember the place where I came from.
Being Hispanic has been a blessing for me. To others it defines my cultural background, but it doesn't define who I am on the inside. To me, it means much more than just a cultural background; it describes my appreciation for my culture, my interconnectedness with my home country, and my ability to live a humble and happy life amongst the successes and failures of my life.
HI JuanSebastianR,
I really enjoyed reading your essay, it is well written and I like the message it has. I think that, for the few words required, you were able to answer the question.
If I have to be picky I would just say that maybe you could include more life experiences, but as I say I liked it.
And maybe you could take in considerations those minor things:
-- It isThis is the reason orThat is why I choose to never forget my roots
-- because I too came from veryhad or started with nothing
-- There,W e lived in a town where economical ...
-- To others it defines my cultural background, but it doesn't definenot who I am on the inside
Good luck!
Hi Juan, I have written additional corrections below, I hope it helps;
- humbleness and interconnectednesshumble self and my connections towith the place I came from,
- While growing upHowever, in the U.S.,
- life, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) sometimes - some from very nothing.
- It is why I choose not to never forget my roots;
- connected withto my country,
- because I too came from very nothing.
- HereI n the U.S.,
- I have met people who
- I long for it here every day.
- my interconnectednessconnection ( I suggest this word over the original one as it seemed a little off for the entire essay as well as its purpose) with my home country,
I hope this is a worthy effort.
