The prompt is - "Why do you deserve a scholarship?"...The scholarship that is being offered is full ride.
I know that I deserve this scholarship because I am a hardworking and passionate person. Whenever I have a goal or see something that I want, I will continually work hard to get it. I repeatedly tell myself that I will be successful at achieving my doctorate in Medicine, and no one will still me from being so.(?) Each time I find something that sparks a flame in my heart, I require myself to learn anything and everything about it. It was in my freshmen year Biology class that I decided that would be my major. With this scholarship, I will able to pursue my passion in Biology, but I won't let my hard work stop there. Once I achieve my bachelor's degree, I will go immediately into getting my doctorate. I will not let multiple minimum wage jobs become distractions in me getting my education. Even now, I find myself being highly distracted with my extracurricular activities such as volleyball and cheerleading.
It seems that you are not interested in extracurricular activities at all. That doesn't sound like an all-rounded student...
It's wonderful that you are passionate and pursue goals that you have in life, but this, in and of itself does not fully communicate why you deserve this scholarship. If you talk about being hardworking, discuss how you have maintained a high GPA while concurrently participating in extracurricular activities, volunteering, etc. Discuss how you want to help others in your medical career.
I know that I deserve this scholarship, because I am a hardworking and passionate person.
Whenever I have a goal or see something that I want, I will continually work hard to get it. I repeatedly tell myself that I will be successful at achieving my doctorate in Medicine, and no one ---nothing--- will stop me from being so.
I will not let multiple minimum wage jobs become distractions to me getting my education.---Does this mean you refuse to take a low paying job right now?
Even now, I find myself being highly distracted by my extracurricular activities such as volleyball and cheer leading .
Maybe this essay would be better if you tell more about why you want to study Biology and medicine, instead of what you don't want to do. And at the end, are you saying nothing will distract you but your cheer leading and volleyball are distracting? Concentrate on your main subject. You really should try to sound more focused and serious. Good luck with school and have fun!
:)
Basically what everyone else is saying, I think you should elaborate more on why these things seem to interest you. For example, what did your Biology teacher say or do for an instant or multiple times to make you interested in the subject. As for the activities distracting you, that seems negative and can turn the reader off, suggest saying the extracurriculars are challenging yet you are able to remain actively involved and continue doing well in school, which can turn that negative into a positive. Plus, it will give the reader a better reason to give you their money. Good luck!
I would suggest that it is worthy also to tell about what have you done in term with social contribution to prove that you are the best candidate for the scholarship such as, i have engaged in providing medical or social activities for the disadvantages people etc.
good luck
