Essay must be no more than 250 words.I need help revising and improving the essay please.
One of the challenges that I will be facing when transitioning to college will be a increase in mental stress.Let's face the reality,once you enter College your instructors are more demanding, your classes more challenging.As a result of these new challenges my life would become extremely stressful.
Stress in college can be very negative since it causes difficulty concentrating, trouble completing assignments, and low grades on assessments on time; this would negatively affect my college life by drastically reducing my GPA.There are some steps that I am going to utilize to assist with battling off stress.Firstly am gouging to avoid Procrastination since it can cause more mental and physical stress to emerge.Secondly am going to ensure that my body receives it's "Beauty rest" a good night's sleep accompanied by by a healthy breakfast will ensure that my brain is concentrated through the day.Thirdly am going to make time for fun and relaxation, this does not mean that am going to spend countless hours playing Video games or hanging out with friends (It's tempting.) Instead am to do proactive activities such as taking a stroll around Central park while listening to relaxing music.Lastly am going to try soothing exercises such as mediation since this mental and physical exercise helps prevent stress.These are some of of the steps am going to incorporate to help prevent stress and help me succeed in college.-By Ariel Vergara
Hi Ariel. Hmm... do you mind if I ask what this essay is for? Is it for a scholarship? I'm just not sure about what you've chosen to discuss as your challenge. I think that this is a very generic challenge faced by so many people (nearly everyone) and both your reasons for being stressed and ways to address it are not distinctive in any way. I'm not sure if what you've written will help you stand out. Think about challenges that are not only academic, but there are challenges that relate to adjusting to college life, social challenges, challenges of being more responsible/ independent, time management, finances, relationships, home and family, etc... These are some types of challenges you can think about. When choosing your challenge, you want the reader to see that you that thoroughly thought about the challenge- both in the how it will challenge you and how you can overcome it.
If you choose to stick to this topic, then I think you need to get more personal with it. How has stress affected you in the past? How have you coped with it in ways that will show the reader you've succeeded in stressful situations before? How can you show them you will do this again now? How will this challenge affect you now, transitioning to college? You should try to discuss this in a way that relates uniquely to you, not in a way that every other student identifies with. You mention that stress will lower your GPA. Yes, that's an important aspect, but how else can that kind of stress be harmful - what about your health, socialization, well being, etc...? How are you going to avoid procrastination? Saying you will do that is meaningless if you don't put a plan in action. What specific steps will you take? How will you manage both school and fun/ relaxation/ meditation/ exercise? I know you have a limited word count here but right now this essay isn't helping you to make a positive impression or stand out.
Also, where you end and begin a new paragraph looks off. I think the flow would be better if you start your second paragraph discussing your steps/ action plan. I think the first sentence of your second paragraph should become the last sentence of your first paragraph instead.
