Just another scholarship, but I'd appreciate your input!
When ***** said, "compassion first, bend the rules if you must, but make sure when a person in need reaches out, that [we reach] back with a warm and gentle hand," what did he mean and how would you do that? How might pursuing your interests continue *****'s legacy of community service?
Note: the foundation providing this scholarship is providing it in memory of the director of a Senior Citizens avocation group.
The Big Picture
Don't forget the big picture.
***** is remembered as a humanitarian because he never forgot the most important part of his work: the humans.
It's surprisingly easy to forget this element of community service: even when a project's sole aim is to help a group of people, the mission of that project can become easily distracted by costs, standards, rules, and red tape. Seeing past these distractions, though, and pushing forward until the end goal is reached- and the people are helped- is what ****** has called on us to do.
I want to study engineering. No, it's not advocacy, it's not health care, it's not counseling. Nonetheless, engineers are vitally important figures when it comes to serving the community. Engineers are problem-solvers; their jobs are focused on solutions, not obstacles. More than that, engineers focus on efficiency- just like *****, engineers are concerned not with "what is... [but] on what ought to be".
A good example of engineering in the human service field is the summer of 2008: along with my father and my church group, I spent a week in New Orleans building houses. My father, also an engineer, took charge of our work site. When the week was over, the program representative approached him and thanked him, saying that our group "had made more progress in the last week than all of the groups in the preceding month". With the mind and organization of an engineer, the service we provided had much more results.
Of course, not every engineer is also a humanitarian. I am confident, though, that I will continue to give back to my community for the rest of my life. Community service is a core value for me: I have been extremely active in my community. In 2004, for example- I started a Walk Team for Project Bread's Walk for Hunger. Since then, I've lead the group every year, the group has had more than 50 members, and we've raised more than $16,000 for the hungry in Massachusetts. Or in 2007- I began playing free concerts for seniors at senior living homes in the North Shore with my jazz band. Or in 2009- perceiving a need for a workshop in my school, I organized a team of 40 students and adults in raising money for, designing, and building a workshop in my school.
My point is that community service is something I enjoy. I feel like it's my civil duty to society, yes, but it has double rewards: not only are the people who need help helped, but I get the satisfaction of knowing that I've done my part and I've done it well.
Next year I'll be going to college. Right now I'm not exactly sure where- I've been accepted to several universities and am deliberating the programs- and costs- of each one. Wherever I go, though, I will take my commitment to community with me. And, as I study engineering, I hope to increase my potential: with a strong education, the next time I am reached out to, I will be able to reach back "with a warm and gentle hand".
It was under the vision of ****** that ***** grew into the vast social agency that it is today. His passing, though, was not the passing of this vision- in his memory, we can all try "to meet the needs of the neediest", and carry on his mission- I thank you for helping me to carry this mission onward.
TimMill
Lots of good examples :) however instead of using "the humans" maybe use the community or people, it's a little awakard like I'm an alien reading an reaport on the human species. Also rather than stating that engineer is not try to convince people on the positive side and if you want you can say something like engineer is an vital part in the process of making the community a better place. BTW I don't know if it's just me but if i were the one reading your essay i would like to hear the word "our" more often than I because it indicates that all that you are doing are for the benefit of society and you are a proud memeber of that community. for example rather than saying my school say our school, rather than saying my team say our team it makes you a teamplayer at the same time a perspective student. Try not to make yourself sound egotistic and perhaps give the impression that you are like the kind of person with a "warm and gentle hand".
This is just some personal opinion and I maybe wrong .
Overall good job and good luck. =)
These are not errors, just things I had ideas about:
Seeing past these distractions, though, and pushing forward until the end goal is reached- and the people are helped- is what ****** has called on us to do.
No, it's not advocacy, it's not health care, and it's not counseling.
It might be nice to cite him here:
More than that, engineers focus on efficiency- just like *****, engineers are concerned not with "what is... [but] on what ought to be" (******, p 17).
or
More than that, engineers focus on efficiency- just like *****, engineers are concerned not with "what is... [but] on what ought to be" (*****, in "name of book/speech/article").
A good example of engineering in the ----The paragraph that begins with this is really impressive writing.
this could be trimmed down: I feel like it's my civil duty, to society, yes, but it also has double rewards: not only are the people receive the help they need, and I get the satisfaction of knowing that I've done my part and I've done it well.
One way to improve this will be to add a theme or make up a term, like we were talking about in that other thread. Another way is this: I think you don't do enough to express a plan for the future. This is something you can do in a sngle sentence, or maybe 2. Express specific plans that pertain to this community service thing, specific plans that XXXX would have liked. :-)
If you make up a term, use it in the intro para and the conclusion para. :-)
Also, I think if you title it "Big Picture" you should use the term somewhere in the essay. By entitling it "Don't forget Big Picture," you create tension by raising a question in the reader's mind. So, resolve that near the end of the essay. All art is, in one way or another, about pressure and release, tension and resolution.
