I'm filling this for a college application, please critique or comment.
- describe the environment in which you were raised and how it has influenced you.
'Shehryar, ask the driver to fill the petrol on your way back', my dad said to my brother giving him the shell petrol card.
You could say that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. While the petrol prices fluctuated and rikshaw drivers switched from CNG to LPG, I barely ever noticed.
My father on the hand grew up in a small town in Multan called 'Huram Gate', his father died at an early age and was left to lead the small tea shop he inherited. This, he had to balance with attending school and looking for a job after a few years. Despite the personal and financial pressure he persevered to become an educated man well enough to offer us an expatriate lifestyle.
After finishing primary school, we moved to Singapore and then to Vietnam, after five years we moved back home. We always had Pakistani food and clothes, parents taught us to pray five times a day and fast in Ramadan. Pakistani culture has always been close to heart; mehndi, bangles, shalwar kameez, samosa are always celebrated with family. Due to my international experience and lifestyle, I was always offered fine dining, along with family bonding and personal care which was kept in a sphere of religious practices as well. The upbringing I received didn't carry un-necessary restrictions or domestic violence.
I was always influenced and impressed with my father. His example has motivated me to work harder and aim high. I've seen the comfort life but always known that I should be grateful and work harder through his example.
Hence the environment and my father as a role model has positively impacted me to blend in with my religious and family values to become an independent citizen, care about others and allowed me to count my blessings whilst understanding the needs of others and helping others
Your response was well-articulated, but I think that talking about your affluence is not a very good subject. Moreover, you only connect the background with the impact in the last sentence. Finally, the connection that you illustrate is a little shaky. I can see how your upbringing led you to "count your blessings," but how did it help you "blend your religious and family values," "become an independent citizen, care about others," or "understand the needs of others?"
I think talking about your Pakistani culture would be a better route. While writing, make sure to emphasize the influence part. What do you want colleges to know about your values, the major and career you want to pursue, what you like to do, what you want to be remembered for, etc.?
