Tell us about your academic/career short-term and long-term goals.
How has your Hispanic heritage influenced these goals? *
600 words max
Chapters, that is how each part of my life is organized. I am the author of all of my thoughts, dreams, and secrets, which are carefully put into a chapter of my life. Someday, I hope to be the author of another story, I strive to be an author whose articles fill the magazines that young girls consume. I want to spread a message of confidence to young girls in a world where perfection seems unattainable. I believe that I can succeed in spreading the message of hope, courage, and love to young woman throughout the world. I realize for my dream to become a reality I will need to stellar journalism education. I plan to receive just that at Syracuse University's S.I Newhouse School of Communications where I will attend starting spring semester 2011.
...
() refers to your original choice of words.
Bold words are my suggestions of words.
* * * *
[...]
Spring, that is when (I say) the newest chapter of (the book about) my life will begin, I will finally be in square one of my plan(. The plan) which I have been constructing ever since I became a member of (my) high school(s) newspaper group(staff). The day my last chapter opens(ed), the chapter that narrates(d) my journey where I unearth(ed) my ultimate passion... writing (not sure about your thought, but I think 'latest' might be a better choice. Also, I think this part is bit strange).
However, discovering that I loved writing was the easy part; (I think this sentence could be deleted) the difficulty began when I needed a subject matter that evoked an inner passion. I hope that with a journalism education focusing on magazine writing<,> I will be able to hone my skills (as) not only as a writer, but also as a writer who can truly relate to (what do you mean my relate to?) and educate her audience. Academically, I always strive to do my personal best, where even if I am not the top of the class I know within myself it was the best I could personally do. (I think you can be more passionate xD) This idea is something that I hope I can spread to my future audience. The ideals that being your personal best is what truly matters, and that everyone's personal best is not the same. I understand that the idea of self-confidence and actually attaining it is not the same. People can very easily be swept up in the hype of what is popular and forget what is right.
I myself have struggled with that same battle.(Better to say that 'I was one of many people who suffered inner chaos') I (have) struggled to define who I am. I (have) struggled to find who I want to be in (a) this world where around every corner there is someone telling you what they want you to be. (It is) It was that time(times like that), (where) when I (have) learned that you have to step outside, take a deep breath and remind yourself of who you are, and what you morally and ethically know to be right. I have learned these morals through my heritage and family who strengthens me every day. I have learned to be proud of where I come from and to never shy away from an opportunity to better yourself. In my high school, I was one of the few Hispanic people who embraced school and took advantage of advanced placement classes. In the majority of my classes, I was the sole Hispanic person, and at times the Hispanic students judged me for stepping outside the boundaries that they had set for themselves. The true reason for my goal of writing to help young woman gain confidence is so that another Hispanic student will not face the same criticism I faced, and will be surrounded by her friends in her advanced placement classes because embracing education and striving for something greater will not be a rarity, but the norm.
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I can see that you tried really hard to explain your goals, but I had a thought that your hispanic heritage was left pretty much unexplained.
You couldn't have felt that goal 'just' because you have hispanic heritage.
Also, what were the criticisms you faced in school?
Finally why only girls? Do you like girls for particular reason? Why not all the people? Any detailed reasons?
Since I myself is not an expert, this is all I can say.
But one reminder : you have to be both brief and specific in essay. People need to see your brief and clear opinions.
I hope it helped~
(note - there were a lot of phrases that didn't make sense, and I just couldn't correct them all. I'm sorry about that, but I gave many suggestions about how the phrases can be better.)
