PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS ESSAY , I THINK ITS TOO VAGUE BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO PERSONALIZE IT AND SPECIFY IT. THANK YOU!!!
PROMPT
PERSONAL ESSAY. Please type or print a one page essay of not more than 300 words (may use space below) which includes your personal and/or career goals. Your essay may answer either of the two following questions: 1). The reason I deserve a scholarship from your organization . . . Or 2). With my education I intent to help. . .
Since I was little, all I wanted in life was to accumulate a great wealth, so that I could give it to the people hat needed it. Growing up in a country like Colombia with a serious internal conflict kept me from thinking selfishly respect my future goals, mainly because I saw the consequences of that way of thinking through the corrupt actions of politicians, the horrible massacres of wealthy landowners, and the struggle for power through oppression. I decided that my vocation was to help others, especially the people that were directly affected by Colombia's situation.
Then in the year 2003, I had my own tribulation when my family moved from Bogota to the city of Houston. It wasn't only a moral loss of leaving my beloved country and friends, but it was a new beginning for me and my professional future. After only two years of being here in the United States, I was able to graduate with high honors on the top 15% of my class. I got accepted to A&M University where I wanted to go and study Biomedical Science. Through my years in High School I developed a strong passion for science and on my senior year after taking courses such as AP biology and Anatomy, I made the decision of becoming a cardiologist. With my education I desire to help others by saving lives, making new medicines, and reaching the people that mostly need medical attention.
In twenty years I see myself in the operating room performing a heart transplant and doing what I like to do: helping others. It is my commitment of becoming a cardiologist what makes me think that one person can influence many lives, and that science combined with compassion and love, can reach to places that the human mind would never have thought of.
sTEPHANIE FLOREZ, TX
Greetings!
I think you've written a great essay! I'll just provide a little editing help:
Since I was little, all I wanted in life was to accumulate great wealth, so that I could give it to the people that needed it most. Growing up in a country like Colombia, with serious internal conflict, kept me from thinking selfishly respecting my future goals. I saw the consequences of that way of thinking through the corrupt actions of politicians, the horrible massacres of wealthy landowners, and the struggle for power through oppression. I decided that my vocation was to help others, especially the people that were directly affected by Colombia's situation.
Then in the year 2003, I had my own tribulation when my family moved from Bogota to the city of Houston. It was not only a moral loss [I think you mean emotional loss] of leaving my beloved country and friends, but it was a new beginning for me and my professional future. After only two years of being here in the United States, I was able to graduate with high honors in the top 15% of my class. I got accepted to A&M University where I wanted to study Biomedical Science. Through my years in High School I developed a strong passion for science and my senior year, after taking courses such as AP biology and Anatomy, I made the decision to become a cardiologist. With my education, I desire to help others by saving lives, making new medicines, and reaching the people that most desperately need medical attention.
In twenty years, I see myself in the operating room performing a heart transplant and doing what I like to do: helping others. It is my commitment of becoming a cardiologist that makes me think that one person can influence many lives, and that science combined with compassion and love, can reach to places that the human mind would never have thought of.
Some of the changes are subtle, so read carefully! I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
