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Presidential Scholars Essay: Losing my best friend.


nikamonster 9 / 38  
Feb 21, 2011   #1
Describe a mistake you made or a challenge you faced. How did you respond to that mistake or challenge, and what did you learn from your experience?

it's a bit too long. and i think i spend too much time describing my mistake rather than discussing how i responded/learned from it.

any help would be greatly appreciated!

I am always busy. Sometimes it seems as if every second of my time is already taken. This was especially true during my junior year of high school. I was a student council officer, president of a library volunteer committee, publicity chair of the all-school musical, National Honor Society member, Chinese school student, etc. In short, I was constantly occupied. In the mist of this chaotic life, where everyday seemed 24 hours too short, I made an unforgettable mistake: I lost my best friend.

It started with a missed phone call, dragged on to sleepover rain checks, and ended with a broken friend.

I purposely missed her calls, knowing that I didn't have the time to talk yet too embarrassed to tell her so. I made up excuses to not hang out, and one day it became one excuse too many. She stopped calling. It took me a few months to notice and a few more months to feebly reach out to her. However, by then, I had lost my place in her life and felt the difficulty of trying to inject myself back in. So, I gave up, resumed my busy lifestyle, and immersed myself in all the schoolwork and extracurricular activities that had saturated my life. It wasn't until early this school year that I finally realized I wanted to make up for all the pain I had caused her and wanted her back in my life. It started with a simple, but sincere, message. From there, it evolved into a renewed friendship. While we don't see each other often, we text and call each other at least a few times a week to stay updated with each other's lives. But the story doesn't end here.

For the past year or so, my best friend has been depressed. Recently, the depression has become so unbearable that she attempted suicide. I'm thankful she's still alive and well, but I can't help but wonder if had I returned a few more calls last year, she would be walking down a different path of life today.

Sometimes people don't realize the difference they can make in other people's lives. That is no longer the case for me. All of my life, I have wanted to be a politician to serve people. But in the process of pursuing ambitious goals, I have forgotten about the most important thing: people.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 24, 2011   #2
You did a great job with this. Really, this has a lot of impressive qualities... the sequence you used, the emotional content... it is an essay with real energy.

I know a way to make it better! Make some room at the end of the essay for a few sentences that show that you have been reading a lot about political science. If you discuss some specific issues, such as campaign finance reform or ... anything, really... show them that you have been reading. Show them that you are not just heart but also brains.


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