Overcoming Silence: How I dealt with the greatest challenge of my high school career

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read my essay. This essay is for a scholarship that my school is offering that I kind of really need so please comment on how I can make this better. The deadline is Feb 28th, 2013. The prompt is sort of confusing to me so if you think that my essay isn't answering the question then please explain what you interpret the question to be asking.

Prompt: Submit an essay discussing the greatest challenge of your high school career. Examine your response to that challenge , the lessons you learned from it,and how you think it will affect your adulthood.

Silence. For the majority of my life up to my junior year, that word described me more perfectly than any other word in the English language. Why? Well it all began when I transferred to Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic School in the 3rd Grade. When I entered the schoolyard, not knowing a single person on the small campus, I told myself what my mother had kept telling me when she told that I was switching schools, "Don't be afraid, -----. Just think about all the new friends you'll make and all the great times you'll have here. I know that this place will be great for you." I had no idea how wrong she would be.

In the beginning, the majority of my new classmates were either kind and welcoming, or indifferent as is expected. However, there was one classmate that was neither, one classmate that didn't like me at all, one classmate that would do everything possible to hurt me in the worse way possible. At first, he was direct. He bullied me the same way most bullies do by pointing out my differences, calling me names, spreading rumors about me, etc. But then in the 6th grade, he offered me a deal. He claimed that he was tired fighting and wanted to be friends. Thanks to him, I never had a friend before so I agreed and I thought we had actually become good friends. That was until the end of 6th grade. On the very last day of 6th grade, during our final break before being excused to go home, he pulled me aside and told me that he never liked me and that he never really wanted to be my friend, he just wanted to see how dumb and desperate I was and then he simply walked away snickering with his friends. Apparently it was all a lie and from then on I lost all hope in people. He didn't simply hurt my feelings by making me feel worthless and stupid. No, he completely obliterated my self-esteem. I told myself that no one could really be trusted and that I had to rely on no one but myself and so I did for the last two years of Jr. High. I never spoke to anyone, I never asked others to play, and I never asked for their help. Even when I transferred to the Upland Unified School District to Upland High my freshman year, I retained the same protective behavior and avoided people. I never spoke up in class unless the teacher asked, I always ate lunch by myself, and I never reciprocated the friendliness other showed to me. But by the end of the year, I realized that maybe all those attempts weren't lies and maybe they weren't bad people. Who was I to judge them without getting to know them first? By my sophomore year, however, it was already too late. The damage was done.

I no longer knew how to interact with my peers and I was unimaginably shy to the point where it was literally painful for me to speak to or in front of any of my classmates. However, I was determined to change. I knew that I couldn't go on being so antisocial so I decided to go out more by getting involved with my school. I became an active volunteer in the California Scholarship Federation, participated in the California Math League competition, and joined my school's swim team. I was able to meet and work with other people and by the end of sophomore year I had made a few friends, by the end of my junior year I finally felt like I belonged. I learned that people could indeed be trusted, that all people are not inherently the same and most importantly I was able to "redevelop" the social skills I had lost so many years ago and I was able to become a normal person again, or at least weird in a way that was socially acceptable to those around me.

In summation, the greatest challenge of my high school career was overcoming my inability to trust other people, or rather my inability to become a part of a society or any group, if you will. However, in overcoming this challenge by letting go of the past and reconstructing my shattered self-esteem, I learned that no matter how hard I try, or how great I become, I can't succeed on my own, that I will always need to work with other people and that it's not a bad thing to ask others for help. In fact, I enjoy working in a more collaborative environment as opposed to an intensely competitive one. As for how I believe that this will affect my adulthood, the social skills I developed from overcoming this personal challenge will help me to succeed in my adult life by giving me the ability to break out of my "comfort zone" and explore all the possibilities the world has to offer. Thank you for taking the time to consider me for this scholarship.

That's my essay and thank you again for reading it. So please let me know what you think, I would really appreciate it. Thank you :D

.... I suggest "dictionary" as the emphasis in on words :) (your's is not incorrect )



... wish you make its tone more relaxed because it's sort of a conversation;
Just think about the new friends and great fun you are going to have there!


.... Well.... I'm a bit confused with this... is this what you though when she said so? I guess it has not come very clearly and you better re-phrase.



.... this is very confusing. I guess you try to say;

However, there was one boy who was neither so friendly towards me nor took a great interest in making friends with me.