juventino_90 1 / - Dec 27, 2010 #1Hi everybody!I need to write an essay for scholarship about my academic and other achievements. But I'm not sure whether I should add to my essay about my financial situation and why do I need this scholarship. My English is not so well, so I hope you will correct me.Statement A: Describe your academic and other achievements, your educational goals, and your plans for the future. How would a Ball State University education support your goals and plans?....And at the end:What makes me happy is that BSU gives scholarships and financial aids to its students. This gives a great opportunity to students who really need to pay for their education in university. Since I discovered BSU, attending this place has been my fondest dream (and my furthest goal at this stage). But to achieve this goal I need financial assistance. My father was unemployed for some years up to this date and my mother (a teacher in a secondary school) earns a small salary for a family of 5.I sincerely hope that you will seriously consider my application and make my dream come true!
ArcyQwerty 1 / 4 Dec 27, 2010 #2"who really need to pay for their education in university" might be better reworded to "who could really need help in paying for their university education""Since I discovered BSU, attending this place has been my fondest dream""this place" sounds somewhat awkward. Perhaps try "Since I discovered it, attending BSU has been my fondest dream"