Both of my parents were teachers in a secondary school at Quangnam, a poor province in the Centre of Vietnam. However, in 1990, they decided to quit their dream job and moved to Danang City with hope that their children could have better study opportunities. Since I was a child, my father has pointed up the only way to escape poverty is by getting a good education. With that guideline, I have tried my best to be the top student of every class, from the senior to the university. Furthermore, a dream has also been bigger and bigger in my mind, which is being a researcher in the field of Environmental Study.
The reason of my chose to be a specialist in the field of Environmental study is the awareness of the rising environmental problems in my country and the region. Vietnam, especially Ho Chi Minh City, is in its industrialization with the terrific development of production. However, accompanying environmental problems become threats to our lives. Everyday, Ho Chi Minh City receive around 200.000 m3 of industrial waste water and 17.000 m3 of waste water from hospitals. Unfortunately, there is approximately 40% of that amount of waste water is treated before released to the natural environment (Ho Chi Minh City Environmental Protection Agency - HEPA, 2006).
The environment of the South of Vietnam is not only under the big pressure of the industrialization but also threaten by the contaminations come from natural disasters. Mekong Delta brings to the peoples here a large source of water. However, there is only 40% the Mekong Delta peoples have safe drinking water. Furthermore, the annual flood which is the biggest natural disaster in Mekong Delta also brings many environmental sanitation issues, especially water contamination. The sicknesses happen in the flood season are usually because of bad quality water using. In the serious floods in 2000, 2001, 2002 there are 1,683 peoples died and 72% of them are under 16 years' old children. (UNICEF Vietnam)
For solving these challenged problems to reach for the sustainable development, we need not only strategies but also human resources for environmental protection. We are urgent to have well-trained environmental managers and engineers for a further treatment and prevention, especially in the field of water quality protection.
With the outstanding graduate result from the University of Natural Science, Vietnam National University in Ho Chi Minh City, I was accepted to work in The Department of Environmental Technology - The University of Technical Education as a Teaching Assistant - Researcher. This Department was newly formed in the February 2007 and it is designed to be the Faculty of Environmental Technology in the next 5 years. I am proud of being one of the firsts who set up its facilities. However, the most important element for forming this later Faculty of Environmental Technology is human resource building. That thinking also makes me decide to apply to the Master Course of XYZ in XYZ University.
Studying in XYZ, I have great opportunity to approach one of the most advance educations in the world. Taking reference at the study program in YYY in XYZ University make me strongly believe that I will not only well trained the specialty knowledge but also effective teaching methods and research skill as well from the experienced professors. I could apply this knowledge to my teaching and researching. Beside, I wish to apply my new knowledge and skills to participate the Water Quality Management projects in Ho Chi Minh City and Mekong Delta as well with the hope of contributing to improving the life quality of the peoples here. Furthermore, studying in an international environment brings me chances to join in global environmental projects. By this way, I can continuous update the knowledge and help to solve the international environmental issues.
Greetings!
I think you have a great start to your essay! To go on from here, you should probably proceed to explain how the scholarship will help you achieve your goals a little more specifically; "modern knowledge" and "international experiences" is rather general. Also, you didn't say what information the scholarship essay asked you to provide; just be sure that, if there is a specific question it asks, you answer the question in as much detail as possible.
I can also give you some editing tips:
they decided to quit their dream jobs
the only way to escape poverty is study [or, instead of study, say, "is by getting a good education."]
on an August day in 2001
boarded a train for a much bigger city than my hometown, to enter the University of Natural Sciences, Vietnam National University in Ho Chi Minh City.
With only the financial support for school fees from my family, I had taken many part-time jobs to earn a living
The reason for my continuing to choose Environmental Sciences
accompanying environmental problems become threats to our lives
We urgently need to have well-trained environmental managers
I could apply this knowledge to my teaching and researching.
I hope this helps!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Dear Sarah,
With your tips, I have just restructured my essay to answer this three questions:
1. Why do you want to do the master's degree programme to which you have been admitted?
2. What do you hope to achieve for your organization by doing this master's degree program?
3. Describe your plans for when you return to your organization. How will you put your new skills and knowledge to work?
I also would like to ask you some questions here:
1. Is this needed to write a long essay as I usually see in this forum?
2. How a scholarship applied essay should be?
3. Do you have any comment upon my writing style?
4. Do you think my below essay need a close paragraph?
Greetings!
I think you've done a very good job of answering the three questions! It also seems like a pretty good length. Often, you are given a word limit with this sort of essay; if you were not told to make it a specific length, I think this is probably about right. I think your writing style is very good! :-)
There are a few places which need a little help with the English, but not that many. Some of them are very subtle:
The reason of my chose to be a specialist in the field of Environmental study - The reason I have chosen
Everyday, Ho Chi Minh City receive around 200.000 m3 - Every day, Ho Chi Minh City receives...
Unfortunately, there is approximately 40% of that amount of waste water is treated before released to the natural environment - Unfortunately, approximately 40% of that amount of waste water is treated before being released to the natural environment
The environment of the South of Vietnam is not only under the big pressure of the industrialization but also threaten by the contaminations come from natural disasters. - The environment of South of Vietnam is not only under big pressure from industrialization but also threatened by the contamination from natural disasters.
there is only 40% the Mekong Delta peoples have safe drinking water. - only 40% of the Mekong Delta people have safe drinking water
The sicknesses happen in the flood season - The illnesses which happen...(or "which occur")
In the serious floods in 2000, 2001, 2002 there are 1,683 peoples died and 72% of them are under 16 years' old children. - In the serious floods in 2000, 2001, 2002 there were 1,683 people who died and 72% of them were under 16 years of age.
For solving these challenged problems to reach for the sustainable development - For solving these challenging problems to reach sustainable development
Taking reference at the study program in YYY in XYZ University make me strongly believe that I will not only well trained the specialty knowledge but also effective teaching methods and research skill as well from the experienced professors. - [I'm not sure what "Taking reference at the study program" means] I strongly believe that by pursuing my studies in YYY at XYZ University I will become not only well-trained in specialized knowledge but I will also learn effective teaching methods and research skills from the experienced professors.
By this way, I can continuous update the knowledge and help to solve the international environmental issues. - In this way, I can continue to update my knowledge and help to solve the serious international environmental issues facing our world.
I added a little to the end to give it more of a feeling of finality, for a closing. I hope this helps and wish you the best with your scholarship!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
