Holidays: a time to celebrate or take precaution - Intellectual Topic Essay

Hello, for writing about an intellectual topic, i picked drunk driving. The limit for words is 350, and I really need this scholarship. Could you check to see if this is good enough? Thank you.

Write an essay of 250-400 words on an intellectual topic or controversial current event and submit it with this application. Your essay should clearly state and support a position on the topic you have chosen; however, you will not be evaluated on which position you take, but on the quality of your argument and the way in which you present it.

Holidays: a time to celebrate or take precaution

The period between Thanksgiving and New Year's could be the most hazardous course of time for most Americans. The prominent reason for such fatal time period is due to accidents on roads caused because of alcohol consumption. Preparing to adorn houses with lights is not the only thing being planned during the holiday season; celebration is anticipated as well. Parties celebrating the holiday glee often comprise of alcohol intake. It is because of intoxication and debility that people involved in these celebrations act as hazards for themselves and individuals around them. The statistics as of December 2008 show that more than 1000 people die in vehicle crashes during the months of December and January (madd.org). This could be prevented through safety measures such as making designated drivers available at little cost. The punishment for Driving under Influence (DUI) should be strictly put into action by prompting to pay fine, restricting operator's license and even time in prison for all consuming alcohol to an extreme level. For those with alcohol consumption up to an acceptable range above the Blood- Alcohol Concentration level (which varies among different states), amenable penance such as community service and attending DUI classes should be mandatory. If a person still continues to drive inebriated, installment of ignition interlock devices must be compulsory. This device would keep the driver and others on the road safe, by not letting the vehicle start unless a breath analyzer examines low alcohol content in the driver's breath. Prevention is better than cure, and certainly finer than death. Extreme precaution should be taken towards drunk driving, especially during the holidays when commemorating time together with relatives irresponsibly might result in lamenting loss of a loved one.

The opening could be stronger, because it starts with "the" and then the next sentence also starts with "the". Try starting the essay with a startling fact to grasp the reader's attention.

"The punishment for Driving under Influence (DUI) should be strictly put into action by prompting to pay fine, restricting operator's license and even time in prison for all consuming alcohol to an extreme level."

Give a definate number for "extreme level". It's very vague.

"Extreme precaution should be taken towards drunk driving, especially during the holidays when commemorating time together with relatives.I rresponsibly might result in lamenting loss of a loved one."

Besides that, I think you have a good essay! It answered the prompt clearly. Good Luck!

The prominent reason for such fatal time period is due to that accidents on roads are caused because of alcohol consumption.

Preparing to adorn houses with lights is not the only thing being planned during the holiday season; celebration is anticipated as well. this sentence is unnecessary and too obvious.

Parties celebrating the holiday glee often comprise consist of alcohol intake.

Google around for sentences using the word consist and the word comprise to becoe skilled in their use.

You write very eloquently. This needs some structure, though. There are enough sentences here, I think, to have 3 paragraphs.

:-)

hello... I think you should change this sentence too :
due to accidents on roads caused because of