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Growing up I've made a lot of mistakes; Why I deserve this Scholarship


donjanek 1 / -  
Feb 28, 2013   #1
Growing up I've made a lot of mistakes. My mom is a single parent, living paycheck to paycheck. I see the hurt in her eyes from the pain she feels for not being able to provide for us the way she feels she should be able to. She works full-time at an elementary and goes to school full-time at night. Even though to most, this is a horrible life to live I wouldn't go back and change it for the world. Living this life of struggle, I've learned how to survive. That is by far, the best gift my mom could have given me, and I appreciate every ounce of it. Through this journey of life, I've come to the realization that school is, will, and should be my number one priority; and that you can learn anything if you apply yourself. Furthering my education is not an option for me, it's a must! I am academically ready to excel in a higher learning institution. I'm a senior and I've worked extremely hard to get where I'm at today. College is very expense, and I've received my acceptance letter to my dream school. College expenses is the only thing hold me back at this point. This scholarship would be greatly appreciated due to my financial need and just simply for the opportunity. I have the personality, drive, and sense of responsibility that would make you feel content with your decision to grant me this reward. Thank you!
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 28, 2013   #2
I see the hurt in her eyes from the pain she feels for not being able to provide for us the way she feels she should be able to.

I often see the sorrow in her eyes when she finds herself helpless in providing us with means for our needs.

She works full-time at an elementary and goes to school full-time at night. Even though to most, this is a horrible life to live I wouldn't go back and change it for the world. Living this life of struggle, I've learned how to survive

Well.... here I find an issue with the flow... it does not flow well. Also your ideas are not linked properly. You start talking about your mom's routine and then suddenly say you are fed up with your life and want to make a difference.... The ideas do not fit in well :(
lynnet 2 / 3 2  
Feb 28, 2013   #3
I can see your point in this essay, however, you should change it by adding more details in it. Everyone works hard to receive an acceptance, so you need to show them how you are different from others.

Good luck!


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