Essay for Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program

What aspirations, experiences or relationships have motivated you to study in the eight-year Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program?

My first case was a seven year-old Caucasian female with a severe tummy ache. I prescribed two Oreos and a glass of milk for her stomach. Within seconds she was cured. This was ten years ago and my motivations for pursuing medicine have changed. But my aspirations of becoming a real doctor have remained the same.

One subject that never ceases to fascinate me is science, especially biological sciences; everything from the life cycle of an amoeba to the immune system of humans interests me. It is in these classes that I am always the most alert and eager to learn. Last year I was part of a medical venturing team in Suburban Hospital. Through this team I was able to apply my classroom knowledge into activities like doing case studies and suturing pig's feet. I realized that I enjoyed applying this knowledge even more than learning about it, and it was the interaction with patients that drew me to become a doctor rather than a laboratory researcher.

Back when I was seven it was the stethoscope and desire to be a superhero that sparked my interest in becoming a doctor. Even now helping others is one of the main reasons I want to pursue medicine. Through medicine I am able to directly help people and give them the greatest gift, life. I am not able to diagnose patients or save their lives as a volunteer at my local hospital, but I am able to offer some emotional comfort by talking to them or delivering them flowers. It sounds rather cliché but seeing the smile on a patient's face and knowing that I can make his or her day brighter is a phenomenal feeling. As a volunteer, I have seen the tears as well as the smiles. It is always terrible to have to witness death of someone in your department. But one of the doctors once told me that you cannot do anything but try your hardest.

I wanted to be certain that I was committed to studying medicine and it was not prestige or money that drew me to become a doctor; so in the past few years I contemplated various other career paths. I tried to follow my father's footsteps as a civil engineer one month and tried my hand at teaching the next. Yet none of these jobs brought the joy and satisfaction that medicine brought nor did they capture my interest as much. Each of these attempted career paths strengthened my desire to go to medical school, and each failed attempt made the picture of Dr. Abraham more vibrant and clear.

Yikes, this needs a lot of work and you don't have much time left. In my opinion, all you really need to do is talk more about your experiences, aspirations and relationships. Give specific examples/experiences that affected each of them. Also, I don't really think your last paragraph fits with the prompt.

All I got from this was that you want to study medicine, but your reasons are too vague and aren't supported very well by your examples.

I know it was a rushed essay. Does this sound better?

Thanks for the review, and more feedback would be greatly appreciated.

This was ten years ago and my motivations for pursuing medicine have changed -- but my aspiration to become a real physician have remained the same.

Oh... I think you should end that first paragraph with a sentence that answers the question you raised. Tell us about your unique interest in medicine... it surely is as unique as your personality...

Then, after a bit more introduction, talk about fascination with biology.