"A degree in Marketing Management will equip me" - why do i deserve scholarship

giggyluv43Threads: 2 Posts: 8 Author: Giussy Kings	Feb 24, 2011, 03:51am   #1
I have been trying very hard to write an essay concerning why i deserved or considered to be awarded scholarship but i don't know if this essay i am gonna sumbit its logic or not...please i need your comments and ideas..thanks Your prominent school has the reputation of producing great student in marketing management and other courses too and I am very pleased to apply for scholarship opportunity in your great University. I am 22 years old and female candidate from a developing country in the sub-Sahara region of Africa ( Ghana ). I have applied for a degree in Marketing Management offered by your university and would like to use the scholarship to pursue it because of my family's financial situation.It has always been a challenge for my parent/family to give me good quality education since I finished my upper secondary education despite my wish and good interest to further my education to university level, get good job and take my family out of the circle of poverty. I have always tried to raise tuition fees for my university education but to no avail. I am so happy to be informed about this scholarship opportunity by your university through a good friend. This scholarship if given will allow me to have access to good quality education in my chosen field of study in Marketing Management. I have developed interest in Marketing since my secondary school years and want to be a successful marketing professional. All organisations that are in business today are able to stand the storm of competitive global market because of good marketing management information. All sectors of the economy require marketing departments for sustainability of their business both products and services. They need good advertisements and technical know-how to sell their products and services to the people in a competitive market. A degree in Marketing Management will equip me with skills and knowledge to achieve my ambition in becoming a successful marketing officer in the very near future. It will also give me practical entrepreneurial skills to be able to handle my personal business in the future because I have a dream to operate my own business later in life. My participation in the AP programme will open doors of international networking and job opportunities for me which has been my greatest dream to meet and share knowledge and experience with colleagues from different parts of the world for all-round education.I also want to add that many people will be able to benefit directly and indirectly if I am selected for the scholarship because of change in my life and economic status. My family will be grateful that I would be educated to the university level despite their financial challenge and able to improve their lives and invest in the education of the other children. I will be grateful for a dream come true that I am a successful marketing professional. Womanhood will also be grateful that African girl can possess the quality skills and knowledge in marketing management. These are my reasons why I know that I should be considered for the scholarship opportunity.

dumiThreads: 1 Posts: 3,448 Author: Duminda [Moderator]  612	Feb 24, 2011, 05:12am   #2
Hi, Your prominent school has the reputation of producing great student in marketing management and other courses too and I am very pleased to apply for scholarship opportunity in your great University. -------------- I feel that you can come to this point at the end of this para. For me, this sentence does not support you to have a grand start. I am 22 years old and a female candidate from a developing country in the sub-Sahara region of in Africa ( Ghana ). I have applied for a degree in Marketing Management offered by your university and would like also wish to use the earn a scholarship in order to pursue it the course because of my family's cannot provide necessary financial situation assistance in this regard.It has always been a challenge for my parent/family to give me good provide a quality education to children due to severe financial constraints. since However, it had always been my finished my upper secondary education despite my wish and good interest dream to further my education to university level, and get would help me finding a good job and to take my family out of the circle of poverty. (good point) Although I have always tried several ways to raise funds to afford tuition fees for [/s] my university tertiary education but to no avail all my efforts were in vain. However I am so happy to be informed when I heard about this scholarship opportunity by at your university through a good friend of mine, my dream became rejuanated.

giggyluv43Threads: 2 Posts: 8 Author: Giussy Kings	Feb 24, 2011, 07:26am   #3
Thank you very much for the correction,ideas and advice i appreciate.. i will do the corrections right away..but one question what do you think about this essay?

dumiThreads: 1 Posts: 3,448 Author: Duminda [Moderator]  612	Feb 24, 2011, 10:06pm   #4
Hi, I'm sorry about the few mistakes I've done in my previous post. I did it in a hurry and they occured without my notice.Pls have a look at the following; I am 22 years old and female candidate from a developing country in the sub-Sahara region of in Africa ( Ghana ). I have applied for a degree in Marketing Management offered by your university and would like to use looking forward to earning a the scholarship to which would help me pursue it the course because of my family's financial situation is unable to provide necessary financial assistance in this regard. It has always been a challenge for my parents/family to give me good provide quality education to children due to severe financial constraints they experienced. since However, I finished my upper secondary education despite my wish and good interest to further my education to university level, get good job and never wanted to abandon my dream of pursuing tertiary education which would enable me to find a good job that would help me take my family out of the circle of poverty. I have always tried to raise tuition fees for my university education but to no avail made several efforts to find ways of financing my university education but all my efforts were in vain to my utmost dissapointment. At the end however, I am so happy to be was informed about this scholarship opportunity by at your university through by a good friend of mine and my dream got rejuanated once again.

EF_KevinThreads: 33 Posts: 14,204 Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads! [Moderator]	Mar 4, 2011, 05:39pm   #5
Great corrections, dumi! I want to suggest this method for writing the age: I am twenty-two years old, female candidate from a... Also, in this essay the writer tells a lot about things the reader already knows. Many of the statements are "truisms," so they are not really worth mentioning. I want to have you mention the things that show your potential. For example, what articles and books about management have you been reading? What do you think of "blue ocean" strategy, and what do you think of this new concept, "pluralistic leadership"...? I think the essay should have a paragraph that discusses business strategy, philosophy, and so on, and maybe mentions a scholarly journal article or book. That is better than telling the reader something like this: A degree in Marketing Management will equip me with skills and knowledge to achieve my ambition in becoming a successful marketing officer in the very near future. This uses a lot of words to say something that does not need to be said. It is a statement of the obvious. So... do not allow any statements like this to creep into the essay. :-)

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