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Culture,and Change among the Sherpa of Nepal ;Scholarship essay


Shanchuan Yin 1 / 1  
Jan 18, 2013   #1
First of all, thanks so much for your suggestions and editing! This Scholarship essay is for applying for Colorado College's summer block class's scholarship.( The title of my class is GS209/PA250/EC110/EV120: Himalayan Odyssey: Culture, Conservation and Change among the Sherpa of Nepal ( in Nepal ).

The requirements of this essay is:
Write an essay in which you reflect on your reasons and interests for pursuing an intercultural experience this summer. The essay... a detailed explanation of why an award is necessary, and a personal statement in which you present your reasons and motivations for talking the desired course.
:

Every time when speaking of Nepal, the image of snow-toped Mount Everest with the dazzling sunshine glaring down from a cloudless sky appears in my mind. Everyone who had been there before recommended this mysterious country to me; even one of my senior fellow students from Yale University once said that Nepal was his second home. I, often, am wondering what exactly fascinates them, what drives them to go there once and once again?

Nepal, which is located in the Himalayas, and bordered to the north by the Tibetan Plateau, is a tiny alpine country featuring thousand years of history. Its three physiographic areas, from the Southern Lowland Plains, Hill Region to the Mountain Region, where the 8, 848 meters height Mount Everest is located, construct Nepal's fickle climate and amazing natural scenery. Bordered by China and India, where the Asian civilization began, its Hinduism, Buddhism, basilica palace architecture and the abundant natural resources, make Nepal one of the countries most attractive for visitors all around the world.

Yes, every person has his own reason to visit Nepal. For those mountain climbers, they may want to challenge themselves by climbing the 8,848 meters height Mount Everest. For those hikers, they may want to seek for the truth and freedom. For me, on one hand, everything there deeply attracts me, from the cultural and social environment, natural scenery, to the religious belief, economics, demography, politics, biological science and glaciology; I want to personally experience Nepal as a Nepalese does. On the other hand, I am deeply convinced that this trek to Nepal would be a soul journey for me.

I still vividly remember the experience of the cultural exchange visits to Korea and Japan by a cruise ship when I was 12 years old (I was elected to attend this exchange visits due to my excellent performance in China's National Language Contest). At that little age, such kind of experience had great impact on me; not only broadened my horizon, but also inspired me to rethink my life. In the evening before I came back to China on the cruise ship, I wandered around alone in the mid-night. There was no one on the deck, only my shadow swayed gently under the moonlight with the sea breeze stroking my face; there was nothing but only sea around. At that moment, I felt the inner peace in my deep heart; at that moment, I felt the real me and at that moment, I found that the individual me and everything I was worrying about, was small and insignificant comparing to this big and diversified world. This trek to Nepal, I believe, will also provide opportunity to reshape my attitude towards my study and my life.

The reason to apply for this summer block class' scholarship is the same as I applied for the college entrance scholarship, which is lacking of the necessary funds. My parents worked very hard and led a thrifty life so as to allow me to get better education. I clearly knew that they had scarified and suffered a lot for me without any reason, but simply out of love. However, I am an adult now, I hope I can pursue my study to learn more knowledge, and experience different cultures by my own strength.

Since I was a very small child, my talent in academics, and art showed up gradually. I won various kinds of honors for my talents, my hard working and my great performance. And till now, I am still that kind of person who always tries to learn more knowledge of different disciplines; get to know more people of different profession with different ages; accumulate different experiences by devoting myself to do different things. I am a versatile person who is prudent, wise and with long-term perspective. No matter what profession I engage after graduation, my goal is to make the world a better place with less poverty and sufferings, use my own strength to stimulate the development of the world.

It is said that there is a kind of blue lotus in the miraculous snow-covered plateau of Himalayas. It can be rarely seen, only comes into bloom every five hundred years, and can magically revive the dead. It is regarded it as the symbol of never withering life, full of vitality. Like me, learn for my whole life, contribute for my whole life, and enjoy for my whole life.
sentiflat10 1 / 5 2  
Jan 18, 2013   #2
A nice persuasive essay. However, I would suggest to have a different heading as there are other things apart of Nepal. Also I didn't find anything about 'Change among the Sherpa of Nepal' in your writing, so it could be irrelevant.

A comprehensive detail about Nepal. I liked it as I was born in this country.

Best of luck for scholarship!
love_mashimaro2 - / 22  
Jan 18, 2013   #3
I think your essay was written with great detail for the most part besides what sentiflat10 has said. There are only a few grammatical errors.

At that little age, such kind of experience had great impact on me; not only broadened my horizon, but also inspired me to rethink my life.

Also, in this sentence, choose either "had great impact on me" or "not only broadened my horizon" since they pretty much mean the same thing.
OP Shanchuan Yin 1 / 1  
Jan 18, 2013   #4
Really???!! I really want to find some friends who come from Nepal!!! Actually, that's not my essay's title, it's my course's title. Should i add something about Sherpa? how about my grammar or words? I just feel it's not a good essay to apply for scholarship :( Should I add something like how this program helps my future major or blablablabla?? :)
love_mashimaro2 - / 22  
Jan 19, 2013   #5
Is there anything specific that you like about Nepal? I like how your essay includes some anecdotes.
I think it would help if you can somehow connect these two paragraphs together. Is Nepal similar to your visits to Korea and Japan?
maneek - / 1  
Jan 22, 2013   #6
Mr Jiwan recommended me to review your essay regarding the following topic. Where I can see your powerful essay with strong thought but at same time lacks information about sherpas. You should try and find out more about the culture, living style, customs and their values as the main subject of your essay is about sherpa. You can just google it and try more information about sherpa and make your essay even more powerful and effective. However, I wish you all the best for your scholarship and hope to see you in Nepal. Takecare!


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