Hey everyone! I'm looking for advice on this essay. I feel as though it is pretty strong, but I need some help on the ending. Also, I'm considering reformatting the first paragraph to something more catchy.
Essay - On a separate sheet of paper write a short essay (from 250 to 500 words) on why you chose to major in music industry studies, what career you envision pursuing after graduation, and why you want to pursue it.
Aldous Huxley once said, "After silence, which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible, is music." Music has created a world of evolving talent that extends beyond the mere existence of entertainment. It is an artist's way of life; it is their oxygen. This inspiring drive and motivation which these artists encompass is my sole purpose for entering into this industry.
When I decided to pursue a degree in Music Industry Studies, my goal was to gain a well-rounded knowledge of this business. I wanted to better understand the educational foundation and obligations of the artists, managers, and lawyers in this industry; California State University, Northridge's MIS program prepared me for just that. The program incorporates a blend of both the art of music and the discipline of business, while giving the student the tools to become successful.
After graduation, I intend to pursue a Juris Doctorate degree, specializing in Entertainment Law. I hope to expand the artists opportunities by accentuating their talents and negotiating their contracts to their maximum potential. My ultimate goal is to ensure the artist feels secure in their contract, while still having the freedom to express themselves musically. My passion for this industry is not only in the music itself, but in the unique ability behind the art.
I am a motivated and committed young individual who is not afraid to fight for something I believe in. Being accepted for this award, will not only guide a path for a successful future, but will be a significant stepping stone towards attaining my goals.
I started with Josette's version:
Aldous Huxley once said, "After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible, is music." Music has created a world of evolving talent that extends beyond the its mere existence of as entertainment. It is an artists' way of life; it is their oxygen. What they exhale is inspiration, which needs protection, my purpose for pursuing the Music Industry Studies program at ****. The inspiring drive and motivation which these artists encompass is my sole purpose for entering into this industry.
Initially, my goal is to gain a well-rounded background in the music industry. I wanted to better understand the educational foundations and obligations of the artists, managers, and lawyers in this industry.; California State University, Northridge's MIS program prepared me for just that. The program incorporates a blend of both the art of music and the discipline of business, while givingtheproviding students the tools to become successful.
After graduation, I intend to pursue a Juris Doctorate degree, specializing in Entertainment Law. I hope to expand the artists' opportunities by accentuating their talents and negotiating their contracts to their maximum potential. My ultimate goal is to ensure the artists feels secure in their contracts, while still and haveing the freedom to express themselves musically. My passion for this industry is not only in the music itself, but in the unique ability behind the art.
I am a motivated and committed young individual who is not afraid to fight for something I believe in a cause. Being accepted for this award will not only guide a path for a successful future, but will be a significant stepping stone towards attaining my goals.Try something more profound.
Best wishes for a successful future
What is your opinion on youtube?
I've never heard of such a program. Interesting.
Instead of a famous writer, I think I would pick a quote from a famous musician. That's just my opinion.
Thanks for the replies! Any ideas on the last couple sentences? I'm struggling to end it smoothly.
