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The real reason behind my choice of Colorado College - CC Supplement


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Jan 12, 2010, 09:48pm   #1
Hi, everyone. This is my essay for Colorado College supplement Question #1, and I have had ahard time deciding what to write about question #2: The Block Plan at Colorado College has a tradition of innovation and flexibility. Please design your own three-and-a-half week intellectual adventure and describe what you would do. I've thought about writing something about Arabian and Yemeni cultures, since I'm from Yemen, so do you think that will work or should I start with a different topic?
When looking at the essay below, please critique and be harsh if you need! and please help me with grammar corrections as well.



REQUIRED: How did you learn about Colorado College and why do you wish to attend?

I was searching on the internet for the top-ranking liberal arts colleges in the USA and came across Colorado College. I also learned about Colorado from my Opportunity Grant scholarship adviser at the Education USA center at AMIDEAST Sanaa. My adviser told me that Colorado was a top liberal arts school with excellent financial aid opportunities for international students.
But that was not the only reason that made Colorado College my first choice, it was the Block Plan system that the school follows in its teachings. I had always studied in a class room that had around 150 students jammed. I have got used to listen to the teacher explain the elements of the lesson, but I couldn't understand because I couldn't even imagine anything about it. I had never got a chance to experience real-life teaching or at least express my ideas with the rest of the class. In that typical class room I studied the different types of electrical circuits but I had never seen one in real life. I've always complained that it takes me days to study something that I forget in few hours, while through living the experience, we learn things that remain in our memories for ever because they become living memories. The Block Plan also refreshes my belief of making every experience education.
Another reason is the double major study plan. I want to pursue a career in science and International Economics. I think that the Block plan will make it easier for me to follow both majors at the same time. It allows me to focus on only two topics every three-and-a-half courses instead of getting lost in many subjects at the same time.
I should not forget about the fascinating nature surrounding the college, and the atmosphere that makes it a good place to grow intellectually and spiritually. I believe it would be a good place where somebody can experience adventures during learning.
salbazili:
I've thought about writing something about Arabian and Yemeni cultures, since I'm from Yemen, so do you think that will work or should I start with a different topic?

My first thought about this is that it is SO common to write about one's cultural heritage. I think it is more exciting and powerful to write about a clear, detailed plan you have devsed for the next 5 years. That will be most impressive.

capitalize Internet.

Hey, your first sentence is weak. It makes it sound like you casually found the school, searching on the Internet. How about if you start like this:
I also learned about Colorado from m My Opportunity Grant scholarship adviser at the Education USA center at AMIDEAST Sanaa was the first person to tell me about Colorado College. "XXX XXXX XXXX XX XXXX XXXXXX XXXX," she said, adding that Colorado was a top liberal arts school with excellent financial aid opportunities for international students.

And be sure to expound a clear plan for your future! Be a passionate and resolute visionary.
Jan 14, 2010, 04:29pm   #3
Thank you very much EF_Kevin. Those were very helpful comments, but I still need a little more help!

First, since I am considering a double major of Geology and International Economics, I thought of writing about could be the relationship between both of them. It would be something on how each can contribute to support the other. so what do you think?

For the "XXX XXXX XXXX XX XXXX XXXXXX XXXX," I put "If I were you, I would apply to Colorado College".. I mean that what she really said any ways. Or should I come up with something more...idk?

What about the rest of the essay does it look good enough to submit?

Thanks a lot again!
salbazili:
"If I were you, I would apply to Colorado College".. I mean that what she really said any ways. Or should I come up with something more...idk?


Well, this is okay as part of a narrative, but there is no limit to how deep you can go in the art of essa writing. You can make things symbolic, and you can keep referring to a central theme. You can play games with the reader's attention and really make a memorable impression. So... choose the dialogue based on your theme.

As for the other things you said, I think you should paste this into a word program and separate it into a list of sentences. Look at each sentence individually and see what it says about you on its own, outside the context of the essay.

Decide what thoughts you want to cause the reader to have. I think you can indeed present this plan to take an economic approach to geology, and this will show that you have a specific plan. None of us want to stand in the way of someone with a clear plan.

:-)



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