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Scholarship essay, person I admire (my dead Uncle)


suehatesyou 1 / 1  
Feb 6, 2009   #1
I need to get this scholarship or i will not be able to afford school. The federal government can be such an ass.

The topic is:

Name a person you admire, and describe why you admire such a person. What qualities in yourself would you like most to see flourish, and what quality in yourself would you most like to see whither in order to emulate your role model?

Here is my problem, i have been independent and basically on my own since i was 16, so for about 5 years now. I never had a role model when i was younger, i just knew i had to get out of there. I don't really want to write about some historical figure, because that doesn't seem personal enough. So i am really having trouble finding someone to write about.

The only person i have been able to think of is my dead Uncle. The only problem is he died before i was born, but i have heard numerous stories about him. I am thought of him because he was queer, and i am queer, and he had to deal with so much stuff because of it. He was strong throughout it all, and would have done great things had he not met such an early death. Would he be an appropreiate subject, or should i try and select someone else? If so i really don't know who.

Also what would be a good introduction to this type of essay? Should i start off with "The person who has influences me most..." or could/should i use something a little more creative?

I would really appreciate any input.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Feb 7, 2009   #2
Well, you could certainly use your dead uncle if you wanted to. The prompt doesn't say you have to personally know the individual you write about, only that you have to admire him. So, if you admire your uncle, he's fair game. You might want to refer to him somewhat more tactfully, though. "My dead uncle," while factually accurate, is a bit more, um, bluntly stated than would be usual in this sort of essay.

If you would rather go with someone living, you could use examples of local celebrities, or even nationally or internationally famous people. Try to avoid people who are likely to have been chosen by a large number of other applicants, though. So, no Obama, MLK, Mother Theresa, and so on. You want to stand out a bit.

Creative is good. That goes along with the standing out bit I just mentioned. On the other hand, the more creative you get, the more you risk doing something that confuses (or worse, offends) the reader, so if the scholarship is very important to you, you might prefer to take a slightly safer, more conventional approach. Really, that's up to you.

Whatever you write on, and however you start, good luck. Post your draft here when you have one for more feedback.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 7, 2009   #3
Hey, those are good thoughts... I was also thinking that this prompt is looking for info about YOU more than the person you admire. You might want to write the two parts of the essay (qualities you want to cultivate and qualities you want to eradicate) and then choose a celebrity, writer, or philosopher... anyone who is a good example of the qualities you are writing about.
OP suehatesyou 1 / 1  
Feb 7, 2009   #4
What if i wrote about my cousin who i don't want to be anything like? I'm not sure if its appropriate because its not really about influential people but more admiration.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Feb 8, 2009   #5
You've pretty much answered your own question, there. The prompt is about someone you admire. Of course, you can admire someone without necessarily wanting to be like them in every way. For instance, it is possible to admire Tiger Woods because he plays golf extraordinarily well, yet not want to be a golfer yourself. However, you might still want to develop the same level of dedication and skill directed toward another goal. If you admire your cousin in this way, then you could still use him. If you hate and loathe your cousin, though, and strive to be different in every way, then you will be off-topic if you write about him.

Of course, you might dislike your cousin intensely, yet still be able to find admirable qualities in him. This might allow you to approach the topic in an innovative way. "Most people think of people they admire as being role models and heroes. But I have always believed you can find the good, something admirable, in anyone, even in those you hate . . ." And go from there.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 8, 2009   #6
Ha ha, I was going to say that is a cool idea, because the most influential person could indeed be someone who you do NOT want to be like. But if th prompt says "admire" you have to comply. :)


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