Anyone help to make improvements ... I'd be grateful
Thank YOU
Essay 2: Explain why you have chosen your planned field of study, why this field of study is important to you or your country, and how you plan to use the education you will gain after you graduate.
Physics is a word of seven letters; however, it controls the whole universe and to me it's a major of study. My interest in physics stems from my eagerness to better grasp the interrelationship among forces, matter, space and time. Two years ago, I have been watching a documentary series about mysteriousness in nature which left me with more questions than answers. That pushed me to search more and more but as long as I searched, my inquiries increased. Since then, I strove with a steadfast determination to specialize in physics.
After the Egyptian revolution, we realized that we live with a poor infrastructure. Until now, we thoroughly depend on fossil fuels which about to end. 2012 has come and we haven't attempted to conquer the space yet. Though, Egypt was the most massive civilization for centuries which made a big difference in mathematics, medicine...etc. and developed mummification to preserve their kings' bodies 5000 years ago, it is a developing country now. That's really a mess! Therefore, I'm prompted to get into science, but why physics specifically? Firstly, physics as a major is falling in between other fields. Now, there is a serious lack of competent and enthusiastic physics young students. Secondly, physics is the fundamental science which has a key role to play in environmental and energy problems Egypt will face.
Despite the magnificent record of achievements in physics history, great mysteries remain which need continuing the research at a furious pace. That's why I am planning to do more research on the relationship between man's brain and electric circuits which will help enhancing the human performance since childhood.
It's a long way to go but as long as I have the will, I can achieve it no matter how long it takes.
Hi,
For me:
The first paragraph is OK. :)
The second paragraph...you are saying about physics role in the large picture, I suggest that you should add something about how physics is important to you like a small picture as well, so that reader will feel like they read your opinion, not a history recorded :)
Adding some information about your area with physics and from that you realize about how physics is important to your country will make your essay more sticked more together.
The last paragraph, I think you should at some name of places where you should work with your purpose, so it will make your essay more persuade that you have a clearly goals.
That's my opinion, hope it will help, Good luck :)
Hello,
I'm participating in a program called TLP, and Actually I had to write the same essay ( but my chosen field was computer science ) =) I posted my essay as a thread if you want to check it
Beside, Here are some of my remarks
*we thoroughly depend on fossil fuels which about to end* ==> which IS :
I wouldn't rather using this sentence '2012 has come and we haven't attempted to conquer the space yet';
'That's really a mess' don't be so negative man ! just look for solutions to this problem
I guess that's all
Salam
