I am applying for a scholarship that wants me to write a essay about the future of tech but thats not too far out but that will be feasible based on todays tech. Can anyone help with this? I've listed it below. I would love some feedback and advice. I've been out of school for 10 years and my writing is a little rusty:-) I don't know if I'm going the right way or not.
Essay:
As she sped down the street in her brand new Bio Matrix GT, the perfection of peace she felt was enormous. She could barely hear a minute sound from it's' engine. The calm was broken once she heard the voice of her mother next to her saying, "Sarah, we need gas sweetie." "OK Mom", she innocently replied. She pressed the bio-gps button located on the console of her vehicle immediately responding with a thought. A single thought of gas was all she needed to send her vehicle into kick start drive, arriving at her destination. After arriving there, she asked her mother, "Mom, how you are feeling, I mean, really?" Her mother said, "So, so I guess. I hope this new treatment will permanently remove the cancer." Sarah and mother had recently signed up to receive a new treatment in nano-medical innovations. They were both anticipating the outcome. Being one of the first patients after its medical trials to pay for the treatment was a great honor to them. As they sat and conversed, they both realized that 26 years earlier, their situation would be profoundly different. Her mother would have possibly died from her condition, leaving her all alone. She pulled out her brand new Q10 Quantum mobile phone, providing her with the newest of quantum technology. It allowed her to stay in contact with her loved ones, surf the web and faster than anything she had ever seen before. It was no larger than the palm of her hand but she was able to wave her wrist above it to activate its mid-screen mode, casting a hologram of colorful images before her eyes. If only her great-grandmother could have lived to see this. Her grandmother died in the year 2014 but this is not 2014. It's the year 2040 and things are a lot different. Individuals partake of various forms of futuristic technology such as Quantum, Nano and Bio Technologies.
From the invention of the first motor car in 1900 to the invention of the first computer, technology has consistently sculpted our generation's landscape. Without technology, our society as we know it would deflate due to the fact that modern society revolves around it. Although technology has dramatically changed the way we see and relate to each other, it has yet to achieve its threshold. With the use of Quantum technology, car's, computers and other electrical devices are able to process its information at the speed of light. Being able to process loads of information at record speeds provide manufacturers the means of creating and developing more economically efficient devices, such as the creation of Hologram Virtuosity. Hologram Virtuosity is the program by which Sarah was able to contact her friends via her mobile phone. This program enables its users to communicate with their contacts visually through colorful hologram images. NASA uses Quantum technology to travel to near planets located within our solar system in record time using record speeds allowing for mankind to explore and research the moon, mars, etc., while building space habitats.
Also, citizens of this day and age benefit from Nano technology. Equipment of all sorts is required to be upgraded with nano-chips and electrical circuits, providing solutions at the microscopic levels. Sarah's mom will be getting her cancer treatment by laying in an adult sized incubator geared towards using this form of technology to destroy her cancer at the cellular level. Machines and devices such as these lead to record breaking advancements in the healthcare, electrical, constructional, business, virtual industries and more. Engineers are able to use nano-tech robotics to build constructional designs. Doctors use it in the operating rooms of the world as well as in the fields of impoverished nations. Nano-technology is available for doctors to use anywhere, regardless of their location. In contrast to the medical treatments of the past that only provided remedial solutions and treatments without providing lasting cures, this would cure terminal diseases. In addition to curing those who have already developed terminal diseases, Nano technology also prevents infectious and terminal diseases from developing in individuals with a predisposition to certain ailments.
Bio technology is used to make everyday living easier and more productive for the average citizen. Bio-chips are used by implanting them into willing individuals allowing for their devices, cars and gadgets to "blend" with their DNA. This allows for smooth operations, transitions and handling as well as sensory digitization. Individuals are able to "think" about a location and its device read their thoughts and carries out the necessary action as in Sarah's vehicle. Men and women are able to "think" about powering on our living room television and the device will recognize what they are instructing it to do and "power on". Nations are fortunate to have technology with biological and electronical hybrid capabilities and functions. Each device the average citizen uses are hybrid devices composing of technological and biological blended parts. Microchip implants enable employers to literally read the minds of their employee's through a scanning process. Consumers purchase nano equipment such as bio-glasses, ear buds, scan application for their iPad, gadgets, phones and others that allow them to download bio-programs to tap into the sensory departments of their brains. Teachers are able to know if their students are actually learning the information that they are teaching. Husband and wives communicate better with each other, thus saving thousands of marriages. Unnecessary wars and world crisis situations has been avoided due to the improvement of global and diplomatic communications. Smart cars are a thing of the past. Buyers can purchase these items online and in stores.
Ralph Waldo Emerson stated "Science does not know its debt to imagination." We no longer live in the past; we strive to seek for a perfected global future. Technology has grown to become the cornerstone of our modern society. Without consistent innovations, mankind is limited in its pursuit of knowledge, wisdom and understanding. Where scientific knowledge increases, so does mankind and his ability to enjoy living. Sarah was not old enough to see and understand the era in which her mother and grandmother were reared but she is now old enough to appreciate the blessings of her time. Being able to witness the resurrection of her mother's health due to technology, Sarah was inspired to pursue a career in scientific technological research and development. She does not know what her future will hold but she knows that it's not limited to our solar system!
I find the overall of your essay great. It's captivating.
However, here are some errors i have found
-She pressed the bio-gps button located on the console of her vehicle "which" immediately responding with a thought.
-With the use of Quantum technology, cars, computers and other electrical devices are able to process its/"their" information at the speed of light
