Can anyone please help me proofread my essay for Fulbright scholarship? As I am non native English speaker I am expecting many English structural, grammatical and composition errors. any help will be appreciated. thank you.
Learning anything new could be a difficult process. It requires one to come out of the comfort zone and perform tasks which require both mental and physical endurance. Before attaining university, I was quite an average grader student. Cramming and memorizing the data, facts and figures throughout high school and senior high school exams, did not only provoke the feeling of frustration but also disabled me to express the knowledge in unfamiliar situations i.e. outside the exam hall. Despite this, I believe I possess some academic qualities in my character from beginning, such as persuasiveness and motivation, both of which significantly contributed in achieving my first academic degree. It was during my last high school year in which I gradually developed interest towards science. Fascinated by the topics of relativity, cosmos and time dilation, BBC Horizon became my favorite TV show. But in reality it requires more than the knowledge explained in dramatized documentaries, to enter into technology college. It requires math. On the contrary mathematics was a nightmare for me as is the bogeyman for a kid. But then I came to meet someone, Zack, a normal but yet a very different person from Sudan who would, once and for all, change the way I perceive things.
As he was also contesting for admission in engineering college, we became good friends and started to share five to six hours of the day to study in order to clear college admission tests. The study style difference between us was apples and oranges. Mathematics wasn't torture for him, he could play with equations, and break the problem into pieces in order to get to result. I always tell myself that it was his unique approach to problem solving that astound my mind, but then I also remind myself that he spent most of his educational life United Kingdom and thus could be the probable connection with his abilities. I started with basics, building concepts bit by bit with Zack's aid. First it appeared to be an exercise in vain, an exercise intended to absorb my energy and leave me into numbness. I am on the edge of giving up and the question repeatedly parroting my mind, why is that someone, just as human as me, can do something so much better than me? An answer that I'll find only later that People are rewarded in public for what they 'practice' for years in private. Practice is the only defining factor which can individualize a person. I worked hard and practiced determinately and surprisingly during that process I rose myself up to the degree of accuracy and confidence that nearly everything seemed possible. I and Zack successfully made into the number one university of the province and both of us took Electrical Engineering course.
Exponentially academics became a crucial part of my life. Initially I was not able to pull good marks but my grades ascended gradually with my hard work. My mark sheets and transcripts depicts a very interesting positive correlation: I started university academics with semester percentage, as low as 62% and ended up with 83% which put me among top 10 in a class of 170 students. Furthermore with every accomplishment I was greatly rewarded with respect and attention by my loved once and class mates. I managed to secure three internships at major firms during my bachelor program. My first internship at multinational company Siemens was a huge exposure for me and it was the first time I witnessed cooperate style environment within a company. During my third year I was hired by Pakistan's largest oil company OGDCL for a paid internship, during which I got the chance to work first hand with well-engineered network of machines. The industry was wholly automated and relied on algorithms developed by engineers on computer system using protocols such as Profibus, Modbus and ASi. That experience further narrowed down my interest and I felt genuinely enthralled towards industrial automation and control systems. Recently during the start of this year I worked for Pakistan Army Aviation as an intern at their core military base 503 EME Central Workshop in which I learned important aspects of avionics and control engineering with regards to flight maneuvering of helicopters such as Bell 412 twin engine, Mil Mi-17 and newly acquired advance warfare attack machine CAIC Z-10. All the sophistications of control engineering truly leave my mind in fascination and I believe that master degree in control engineering will be a stepping stone for me to achieve the goals I have set.
I did not limit myself only in curriculum but also participated in many extra academic activities. I have won numerous inter university quiz and declamation contests. I also represented my university on state level in quiz competition. My passion towards engineering has inspired me to join professional organization like Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE). Being an active member of my society I ran and won the student elections for Head Coordinator IEEE PES Society. I held the position for six months and helped the newly established society to grow. Along with my team, I organized International Multi Topic Conference (IMTIC 13') with the association of Erasmus Mundus during which we lured out some highly reputed professors around the globe to present their researches. The purpose of this conference was to create an interactive environment which could act as a bridge between the knowledge deficit of local Pakistani and international researchers.
I kept the level of enthusiasm during final year of graduation and based upon my performance I was entrusted by my professors to lead a group of six students whose task was to produce final year thesis and project. I picked a team which had similar interests as me. My leadership capabilities developed significantly during this experience. I learned the phenomena of incentives and appreciation and how they can impact individual performance. Our group remained motivated throughout and produced some excellent results on paper and on hardware as in result we earned best final year project award. Soon after completion of thesis, I was contacted by a professor, renowned for control engineering, who offered me research assistantship. I started working directly with my professor and few months later I ended up publishing a research paper in Springer CCIS journal.
Zack and I still remain good friends. He introduced me to the perspective of life unseen and aspect untouched. Now when I look back where I started, it is a long journey I have travelled following the endless course. Endless because I believe it is the progress what matters not perfection. Everybody has a limited span of life and I want to go as far as I can in my life. Graduate degree in USA will provide me the perfect spectrum of skills cunning enough to assist my research in control engineering and also help me be a better person in my society.
- ...I was quite an average grader student.
-As he was also contestingbuying for admission in engineeringthe college of engineering ,...
- ...but then I also remind myself that he spent most of his educational life in United Kingdom and thusthis ...
- I worked hard and, practiced anddeterminatelydetermined,and surprisingly...
- The industry was whollyfully automated...
- I organized International Multi Topic Conference (IMTIC 13') with the association of Erasmus Mundus during which we luredgather out some highly reputedreputable professors around the globe to present their researches. ( "lure" is a negative word, it's like your referring to some villain in a sci-fi movie)
- who offered me research assistantshipapprenticeship .
Musa, good job in writing a very detailed letter of application. You were able to provide your reader with the details they ask you, but what about your contribution to the institution you're asking scholarship from? I guess that should be included in your letter too.
I suggest the following sentences to be added;
My capabilities on research and case study will be of great help to the institution. I will commit my time and effort in building a common ground for greater good. Paying back to the society is an utmost goal that I never forget and with this scholarship, I will not only acquire higher education but the knowledge I can pass through generations.
Good Luck Musa...let us know what comes out..
Keep writing.
Cheers!!!
