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Hooked on Running - how it affected my life (scholarship)


nicoler22 3 / 4  
Mar 6, 2011   #1
This is a scholarship essay based on how running has affected my life. It should be about 300 words but mine's way over, at about 430. Any feedback and or comments would be great. Thanks!

Running; the act of traveling on foot at a fast pace over a continually repeated period of time. Yes, this is the dictionary's definition of running, but this definition doesn't even begin to approach the way I view running. After being on my school's Varsity Cross-Country team for three consecutive years and running during all off-seasons as well, I can truly say that running has changed my life.

"What kind of joy do you get from an exercise that keeps you out of breath and makes you sweaty?" I've been asked more times than I can count. But it's so much more than the workout- it's the thrill, the burn, the intensity. Running is an escape from the stirring world around me, leaving me in my own cycle, moving, and moving. It's my flight from all the insanity. Everyone has their distinct form of expression and way to deal with stress. Mine is running. I feel myself becoming redder, breathing heavy, but nothing else matters. I am no longer focusing on school, on work, on family, on friends. Running is the only thing I have complete control over. I decide how fast I run. I decide where I run. I decide how long I run for.

In general, life is filled with many obstacles and running symbolizes how I have the ability and strength to overcome these obstacles. At first I viewed running as a challenge, a tedious and straining activity that left me lacking the energy to even run a mile. I would complain about hard practices-running intervals, hills, and sprints. I lagged behind my team, heaving and tired. But after many hard practices, I became stronger and running came more naturally to me. I began to keep up with my teammates and my endurance improved tremendously. I started to love feeling the breeze in my hair and the blood pumping in my legs. A mile turned into something easy, a warm-up, and now I run several miles daily for my own satisfaction. Transforming a difficulty in my life into a pleasure demonstrates the impact running has had on me. Just as I overcame my struggles with running, I have the confidence that I can overcome any obstacles that I may face in the future.

Not everyone understands a runner's intentions; these people have different channels of expression to deal with their emotions. My channel is running. Running is my comfort. The mind-clearing effect running generates is unattainable for me to reach any other way. It's my calm during a storm, my sanity amongst chaos. I can truly and honestly say that I am hooked on running.
delilahcdeleon1 4 / 9  
Mar 6, 2011   #2
I enjoyed your essay and made some changes to shorten it to the 300 word count. The last paragraph is weak. You may want to rewrite it and tie in your first sentence with your definition of running.

Running; the act of traveling on foot at a fast pace over a continually repeated period of time. The dictionary's definition of running doesn't even begin to approach the way I view it. After being on my school's cross-country team for three years, I can truly say that running has changed my life.

Running is an escape from the world around me, leaving me in my own cycle where nothing else matters. Everyone has their distinct way to deal with stress, mine is running. I escape school, work, family, and friends and worry about putting one foot in front of the other. I have complete control when I run deciding: how fast, where, and the distance.

Life is filled with obstacles running was no different. At first I viewed running as a tedious challenge that left me lacking energy. I complained about hard practices and lagged behind my team, heaving and tired. After a while, I became stronger and my endurance improved tremendously; therefore, I was able to keep up with my teammates. A mile became a warm-up and now I run several miles daily for the satisfaction of the breeze in my hair and the blood pumping in my legs. Transforming a difficulty in my life into something that is a pleasure demonstrates the impact running has had on me.( This sentence is hard to understand) As I overcame my struggles with running, I have the confidence that I can conquer any obstacles that I face.

Not everyone understands a runner's intentions; these people have different channels of expression to deal with their emotions. My channel is running. The mind-clearing effect running generates is unattainable for me to reach any other way. It's my calm during a storm, my sanity amongst chaos. I can truly and honestly say that I am hooked on running.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 12, 2011   #3
Hi Nicole and Delilah, thanks for making this a great thread.

If it is too long, I'll kill sentences below...

Running; the act of traveling on foot at a fast pace over a continually repeated period of time. Yes, this is t The dictionary's definition of running doesn't even begin t o approach the way I view running. After being on my school's Varsity Cross-Country team for three consecutive years and running during all off-seasons as well, I can truly say that running has changed my life. you should end this first paragraph with a concept that is not so simplistic. Try to express the way your idea differs from the definition. Then, after giving a powerful sentence, end the first paragraph.

I decide how long I run for. I decide how far I run. In general, life is filled with many obstacles, and running symbolizes how I have the ability and strength to overcome these obstacles. ----excellent!!

...reach any other way. It's my calm during a storm, my sanity amongst chaos. I can truly and honestly say that I am hooked on running. The last sentence was too simplistic and vague, nothing but a figure of speech ("hooked on") used in an ambiguous way. But now that I killed that last sentence, you have this excellent sentence at the end... the one that ends with chaos!! Very good stuff there...


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