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'high achieving students from low income families' - short answer response


mylittlegoni 3 / 11  
Sep 22, 2010   #1
This is for a scholarship for 'high achieving students from low income families'.
This scholarship is very important to me, and i have been working very hard on these answers.
Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and taken into consideration.
Thanks!!

1.What are your career goals and how did you develop them? (50 word limit)
I aspire to pursue a career in science and mathematics. I have a great passion for mathematics and am two years ahead of my grade level. More then anything in the world I wish to live life to its full potential by continuously building my knowledge, and challenging myself intellectually.

2.Describe which single activity/interest represents your most meaningful commitment and why? (50 word limit)
I have a strong commitment to my circus training, up to 25 hours a week. Circus gives me a good physical workout as well as a great opportunity to perform. Furthermore, I do a lot of community service through circus; I commonly perform for non-profit organizations, charities, fundraisers, and schools.

3.To what use have you put your earnings (for example, paying for food, bills, personal expenses, saving for college)? (50 word limit)
Performing in circus professionally means that I get paid to perform in many events; however, my earnings go to my family as a whole. By allowing me to train and perform, giving my earnings to the family as a whole is the least I can do to show my gratitude.

4.Please describe any special circumstances concerning your household income that you would like to have taken into account when your application is reviewed. (50 word limit)

Due to the fact that there are 8 people in my household and my father is the only provider, my parents are not able to help me with anything financially beyond the basic academics. As the oldest child I have had to sacrifice many financial aspects for my siblings.

5.If there are any extenuating circumstances, or details regarding your academic performance that you would like to add or clarify, please do so here. (50 word limit)

When looking at my academic performance it is important that you remember the fact that English is my second language and that I have struggles with dyslexia my entire life. I am proud of my academic performance because I work hard to get my grades to where they are.
ershad193 14 / 333 5  
Sep 22, 2010   #2
More then anything in the world I wish to live life to its full potential by continuously building my knowledge, and challenging myself intellectually.

This is a vague sentence. Since you started the response with mathematics, I think it would be better if you stick with mathematics only.

The second response is good.

Same goes for third.

As the oldest child I have had to sacrifice many financial aspects for my siblings.

"Financial aspects" sounds awkward. Can you think of a different phrase?

When looking at my academic performance it is important that you remember the fact that English is my second language and that I have struggles with dyslexia my entire life.

I think you can condense this sentence. Also, it would be better if you don't use the second person.


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