''The greatest barrier to someone achieving their goal is their denial of it" - my goals essay

Write a brief statement outling your personal and academic goals (100 words max)

''The greatest barrier to someone achieving their goal is their denial of it''- Simon Travaglia
From tender age, I have wanted to hone my intellectual side to acquire in-depth competence in stream of engineering at an institution that will prepare me for a future in engineering but my family low financial status is not making the goal a reality.

I believe joining the *** foundation community will not only remove my financial burden but also empower me for Poverty alleviation schemes driven by indigenous engineering innovations and make me stand as the pinnacle of hope for my community.

The essay meets the demand of the topic? And any review?

I have written another one but help me check the one that meet the demand of the prompt.

This is the second one..

''If you want to reach a goal, you must see the reaching in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal''- Zig Ziglar

From tender age, i have always wanted to hone my intellectual side to acquire in-depth competence in stream of engineering at an institution that will prepare me for a future in engineering and i believe i have planned my future and i feel like now is the time to it come true.

Poverty alleviation schemes driven by indigenous engineering innovations have been my long term personal goal as i have always wanted to stand as the pinnacle of hope for my community.

The beginning is a little generic. I'm not a huge fan of the "from a tender age," beginning. Also it doesn't feel very genuine. Try to reach deep inside and go for a more emotional statement.

This sentence also sounds a little awkward: From (a) tender age, I have wanted to hone my intellectual side to acquire in-depth competence in stream of engineering at an institution that will prepare me for a future in engineering but my family('s) low financial status is not making the goal a reality.

What is in the parentheses is what I added.

Thanks bro, what if I use '' After graduation from High school'' instead of '' from tender age''

which of the two essays meet the prompt demand?

How about the following: After I graduated from high school?

From tender age, I have wanted to hone my intellectual side After I graduated from high school, have wanted to hone my intellectual side