Hi, Doylene. I'll help you with some parts of your statement.________________________
As a Graducate I have accomplished many tragi battles, but one accomplishment that I achieved through my high school year is graducating .
There are spelling and punctuation errors here. Also, I think "many tragic battles" is too dramatic. Here's how I would write this sentence:As a
Graducategraduate, I have accomplished
many tragi battlesmany things , but
one accomplishment that I achieved through my high school year is graducatingmy proudest was graduating from high school .
Even better, I think you should leave off "As a graduate" at the beginning of this sentence. It's a bit redundant. Here's my suggestion:While I have accomplished much in my life so far, my proudest accomplishment is having graduated from high school._____________________
everybody in high school looks forward to graducation day, I was looking forward to graducation myself, but I had a higher goal in mind.
Let's connect these ideas better. I'll show you how (and fix some spelling and punctuation errors):everybody in high school looksLike everyone, I looked forward to
graducationgraduation day,
I was looking forward to graducation myself , but I had a higher goal in mind.
___________________
I wanted to be an over achiever and take three classes online with my already packed schedule;at the begining I didn't know how I was going to finish those classes and all seven period with a full adgenda of assignments.
I think you need to shorten this if you want to make it one sentence. Here are my suggestions:I wanted to
be an over achiever and take three classes online
withon top of my already packed schedule; at the begining
, I didn't know how I was going to
finish those classes and all seven period with a full adgenda of assignmentsdo it all .
_________________________
but I knew that no goal was ever too hard for me to accomplish,and failure wasn't an option;so I kept my mind set on the bigger picture.
Try not to start sentences with "but." I'm going to improve the style of this for you:butKnowingI knew that no goal was ever too hard for me to accomplish
, and
that failure wasn't an option
;,so I kept my mind set on the
biggerbig picture.
_______________________
I hope that helps you some :)