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How to express financial need? - a scholarship essay.


answers: 11
Dear All,

I would really appreciate your help. The situation is such:

I got admission to one of top universities in London. However, I want to get a scholarship for the next intake. The scholarship requires me to write only 450-word essay including information about my financial need. Although I have worked (after my Bachelor's) for over 5 years, I have no money to pay for my studies. It is even difficult to pay for my flight tickets. I come from the 3rd world country. Though I am currently working and managing 2 projects, our salaries are suffient only for daily needs, not talking about savings. How should I explain it to the selection pannel? How should I reflect in my essay?

Any advices?

Thank you in advance.

Regards,
Erkin

Nov 18, 2011, 04:58am   #
Tell them why you want to follow this courese and why you think you deserve a chance to follow it. You can ellaborate on your past achievements too.
Now tell them how importantly it would help you succeed in life/career as well a help serve your community and country that desperately needs the contribution of learnered people like you.
Then come to your financial constraints. Be logical in what you tell them for them to understand that you are a genuine case that needs support.
Give some emotions to your writing.
You can tell a little story about your life , maybe a difficult moment for you, and show how strong your passion to achieve your goals is. You can start your essay describing the place you used to live and you can tell something about a person who had a big influence on you.
Nov 21, 2011, 11:32pm   #
Appeal to emotion is always a choice, but maybe you're feeling the same as I do- the whole "this scholarship will open doors in my education financially" seems too cliche.. it almost looks abused right?

I'd come up with a personal reason, something that only myself will know such as
"Investments are what drives the economy- as an individual, my personal investments are in my education" and THEN you can start explaining things.
Get my feel?

I hope this helped and if you have any questions ask me a question ! :)
Here's the first draft. There are more words then required, I'll polish it later :-) I would appreciate your comments.
Thanks
-------------------------------------------------------------------

For as long as I remember I always knew what I enjoyed doing best (in my life). Learning languages, studying different countries and cultures has always been my passion. For this reason I chose tourism because I knew I would succeed in what I like most.
I have graduated about five years ago and, ever since, I have dedicated my time to work/to gain experience in this area. Working in the public sector tourism gave me an enormous start-up arming me with rich industry experience and a broad understanding of the structure of the tourism sector of Uzbekistan, its resources and potential.
Probably the most valuable experience was the one I obtained abroad. I underwent tourism management and development trainings in Malaysia and Singapore two of the most popular destinations in Asia. Having been outside my country for the first time ever I opened my eyes wider and my mindset changed.
The visit to the small village of Perak in Malaysia within my homestay-training framework has offered me the opportunity to observe a unique part of their civilization. It was interesting to watch indigenes living deep in the rainforest; indigenes, who -thanks to tourism- were able to preserve their centuries-old unique subculture despite the effect of globalization. Hearing that their community was thriving thanks to the financial support they received from tourists, government and tourism businesses was truly pleasing. I was amazed to see people living a lifestyle and practicing rituals which were even unique to Malaysia itself, and which were being conserved.
To be frank, I knew that no other industry could compete with travel and tourism when it comes to the level of influence on both economy and social life of a country, and hence offering a win-win solution compromising its economic needs with social values of its people.

For me there was one question left to answer: how would I help others with my capacities and my commitment? In homestay programs I found the perfect prospect.(although I'm not so sure here). The principle of "helping people help themselves" and the chance of benefiting the society I am living in were depicting an ideal purpose.

I was really content to see that I could make a change. In partnership with a regional agency GTZ (German Cooperation Agency) and under my counseling, "Uzbektourism" was able to initiate the first homestay in the village of Farish, Djizakh. However, I found it difficult to initiate such projects in the government sector because of financial and bureaucratic obstacles. I tend to use my knowledge, experience and a wide range of existing networks that would consists of government and private sectors as well as international organizations aiming to promulgate homestays across Uzbekistan. This would most definitely offer obvious benefits to all the stakeholders.

Uzbekistan's unique multicultural society with over 80 nationalities living in one land could indeed make this country Makah for cultural tourism. However, modern development represents a real threat to the survival of cultures and subcultures in my country. I am sure that tourism business of Uzbekistan has the potentialof preserving the existing cultures and reviving the lost ones.

In order to follow this path I require an advanced knowledge in international tourism management. I believe that the program offered by XXX will fill gaps in my understanding of tourism in the global context and give me expertise in strategic management. What can make me a successful student? It is five years of working and learning in this domain,as well as my hunger to learn. I am more of a practitioner; therefore, I am confident that I can well combine my field knowledge with specialized knowledge a university offers. Moreover, I am eager to be exposed to the community of other outstanding fellow students with different backgrounds. I would like to believe this is the first step to make in order to achieve my goals.

All in all, my decision to continue studies in tourism is another display of my ambitions and the promise of a better future, for my country, for its people, for our culture.

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Nov 30, 2011, 04:37am   #
For as long as I remember I always knew what I enjoyed doing best (in my life). ----- I dont get your idea clearly here. Are you trying to say;
Through out my life, I wanted to do things only if I have a passion to do them.

Learning languages, studying different countries and cultures has always been my passion. Diversity among people and cultures always aroused my curiosity and I developed a great passion to learn about them. For this reason This is the reason why I chose tTourism (capitalize tourism here) as my future career path because I knew I would succeed in what I like most. understood that it is the only industry that could drive me forward towards my success.
I have graduated about five years ago (be precise) and, ever since, I have dedicated my time to work/to acquire knoweldge and gain working experience in this area trade. Working in the public sector tourism gave me an enormous a great start-up arming me with rich industry experience and a broad understanding of the structure of the tourism sector of Uzbekistan and its resources and potential.

Probably the most valuable experience was the one I obtained abroad. I underwent tourism management and development trainings in Malaysia and Singapore two of the most popular destinations in Asia. Having been outside my country for the first time ever I opened my eyes wider and my mindset changed.
The visit to the small village of Perak in Malaysia within my homestay-training framework has offered me the opportunity to observe a unique part of their civilization. It was interesting to watch indigenes living deep in the rainforest; indigenes, who -thanks to tourism- were able to preserve their centuries-old unique subculture despite the effect of globalization. Hearing that their community was thriving thanks to the financial support they received from tourists, government and tourism businesses was truly pleasing. I was amazed to see people living a lifestyle and practicing rituals which were even unique to Malaysia itself, and which were being conserved .---------------- I feel you should combine both paras to one and make it shorter. I feel its a bit too descriptive. Try to give more prominance to the fact that how you learned and witnessed the contribution of tourism towards the well being of Malaysian economy and the living standards of its people so that you can align the selector's emotions to what you are going to ask in the coming paras.
I could help you with the rest, if you feel you are comfortable with my suggestions.
Good Luck
!
Dec 1, 2011, 01:02am   #
Hi Erkin,

Sure.......... I wud try to help u at my best. I think I have made a mistake above - Throughout is one word and not two words..... Sorry about it. Also please bare with me if I spell words incorrectly coz I frequently make mistakes with spellings.

I think you should trim the following section of your essay, starting with;Probably the most valuable experience ...................................................................... ...........................................
and end with
and hence offering a win-win solution compromising its economic needs with social values of its people.
If you can re-do it and post again I can help u with polishing it further. I suggest you to limit your training experience to not more than two lines and quicky come to the impact on economy and people. There again, try to manage with not more than three sentences. Also include something to say about the impact on the economy of your home country coz that is the point u need to stress more.

I suggest you to combine the following two paras as well as they can be easily linked and together they better arrange your flow;
For me there was one question left to answer: how would I help others with my capacities and my commitment? I always wonder how I could help my own country and people with my knowledge, experience, potential and committment. In homestay programs I found the perfect prospect.(although I'm not so sure here). The principle of "helping people help themselves" and the chance of benefiting the society I am living in were depicting an ideal purpose. (I cannot grasp what you try to say. Better improve it further)

I was really contented to see that I could make a change. (again this sentence disturbs your flow. Try to have a link to what you are going to say next) In partnership with a regional agency GTZ (German Cooperation Agency
) (GTZ) and under my counseling, "Uzbektourism" was able to initiate the first homestay in the village of Farish, Djizakh under my counseling. However, I found it difficult to encountered many difficulties while initiateing such projects in the government sector because of due to financial and bureaucratic obstacles. I tend am seriously looking forward to use my knowledge, experience, and a wide range of existing networks contacts and networks that would consists of both the government and private sectors as well as international organizations with the intention of aiming to promulgateing homestays across Uzbekistan. This would most definitely offer obvious benefits to all the stakeholders. I firmly believe that this would immensly contribute to boost the tourism industry in my country and thereby help enhance the living standards of my people.



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