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"Education is an admirable thing" - Scholarship Essay


answers: 2
Mar 12, 2009, 10:26am   #
Explain why (in 100 words or more) you feel you merit consideration as an applicant for an award or scholarship.
-you may wish to include educational goals, and any unusual circumstances (financial, personal, etc.)
-Supply information that my be of assitance in considering your application.


Oscar Wilde once wrote, "Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." Throughout my eighteen years, I have discovered his wisdom to be extremely true. Education is the expansion of the human mind, but the knowledge I have acquired beyond the books has been of much more value to me. Nowhere in my textbooks was there a chapter on perseverance or passion, and yet it is with these traits that I have been able to overcome many obstacles that have presented themselves in my life.
With perseverance and passion, I was able to accomplish the goals I thought to be too difficult. My freshman year of high school I dreamed about being on the Gulf Coast High School soccer team, however, my skill level was not up to par with that of the team. I worked hard, attending all the conditionings and practicing on my own time. Words cannot describe what I felt when I saw my name on the final cut list. My drive to persevere was not something I learned in a classroom, but it has given me the determination to surpass my life challenges.
My latest achievement is having been accepted to my first choice school, the University of Florida. Not having had very rigorous schedules my first few years of high school, I thought my chances of getting in were slim. I was determined to give this newfound goal 150% effort and would not surrender it until the end. I worked on my extracurriculars, volunteer services, and of course my school work, taking several Honors and AP classes. Although there were many times when I felt overwhelmed by working so hard, I knew I could not admit defeat before reaching my goal. My passion for this goal and my perseverance suppressed my oftentimes tired-out thoughts. The pain of discipline was tough, at times, but it was more welcoming than the pain of regret I knew I would feel if I had not given it my all.
When asked why I merit consideration for this scholarship, my answer is simple. I will persevere above all the exigent situations college will undoubtedly bring, and I will come out triumphant. All the work I put into my high school career was well worth it, and I will work that much more and push my limits even further in college.
After graduating from college, my career plan is to focus on filmmaking. Ever since I was young, the arts have intrigued me, and now the idea of presenting a story on a screen fascinates me. Having always been a movie aficionado, I began forming a keen interest in many films, frequently analyzing them. I tried to discover the underlying message by the subtle detail that a movie contained. Why did they use that camera angle? Did they mean to use that lighting? Why did the mood change all of a sudden? I love how these tiny details can make a huge difference in how a message is conveyed and how successful a movie is. From screen writing to lighting to editing, I love all the parts that constitute the making of a movie.
Referencing back to Mr. Wild, my most useful traits, perseverance and passion were not taught in a classroom. This scholarship opportunity would greatly help my parent and me during this time of economic crisis. I hope to be a valid and worthy candidate for your scholarship recognition.

Mar 12, 2009, 11:16pm   #
I'm not sure that beginning a request for a scholarship meant to help you get an education with a quote that disparages the value of education is the best approach you could take, here.

"I was determined to give this newfound goal 150% effort" Apparently you were so busy persevering and being passionate that you neglected to pay attention in math class, where you would have learned that you cannot give more than 100% effort to anything.

"My freshman year of high school I dreamed of being on the Gulf Coast High School soccer team"

Okay, by this point it is becoming obvious that you need to focus the essay more on providing reasons why you deserve a scholarship. Most of what you have written now doesn't really do this. Most of the first half of the essay can be cut. Use the extra room this creates to add more to your educational goals. You might want to talk about the social value of the films you plan to create, and make it sound like you have grand ambitions to better society through your work in some specific way. As you do this, you should all the time be explaining how desperately you need the scholarship to be able to attain your goals. In keeping with this, you should probably dedicate a bit more time to explaining your financial state. At the moment, you say "This scholarship opportunity would greatly help my parent and me during this time of economic crisis." I'm sure this is true of everyone who applied for the scholarship. Talk about how dire poverty is threatening to present an obstacle to your education that even the most persevering person couldn't overcome. Play for sympathy. This is essentially a begging letter, so make your case out to be as bad as you can without actually telling any outright lies.

Good luck formulating the second draft!
The pain of discipline was tough, at times, but it was more welcoming than the pain of regret I knew I would feel if I had not given it my all.

All the work I put into my high school career was well worth it, and I will work that much more and push my limits even further in college.
This (above) doesn't seem to make sense.

I love how these tiny details can make a huge difference in how a message is conveyed and how successful a movie is. From screen writing to lighting to editing, I love all the parts that constitute the making of a movie.
Not so sure "love" is the word you're looking for here..

Assuming you will take Seans great advice, here are a few other things to look out for. ( I may be just a little too irritatated with how people overuse and squash the meaning out of the word "love",...."oh, I LOVE that nail trimmer"! )

:)



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