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From each organizations I joined, other members trusted me as a head of division in the organization


uci31 2 / 3 1  
Oct 22, 2014   #1
Question: Please describe your related experience within this field of study. How would this program of study build on your past education, training, and/or experience? If you are new to this field, why did you choose this field? (Your response should be a minimum of two paragraphs. Your response helps us to match your interests with college programs.) *my proposal field of study is business management and administration

I have always liked and enjoyed meeting a lot of people, managing things, guide people and joining some events and organizations. During my school and college life, I provided little time to busied my self and have played diverse roles in the organization and events. To support this interest, I would like to describe my experiences. From junior high school until my college time, I have always been a part of student council and trusted to be a leader in it. I also have joined other organizations, such as choir, language, fashion, and religion based organizations.

From each organizations I joined, other members trusted me as a head of division in the organization and my responsibility was to guide and manage other members to undergo their own tasks in developing the organization according to responsibility in division I lead. My position as a chief in those different organizations certainly give me different tasks as well. As an example, in my University, I became a head of Art Appreciation, Culture, and Language division in student council and take charge in activities like exhibition, art performance, english debate and speech, writing competition and other activities related to art, culture and language. From the beginning of work process, I discussed with my members about things we need to accomplish in our division. The task was divided equally for each person, according to my member's interest and ability in how we made an art exhibition that contained other student's artworks, or English competition, etc.

In addition, I was also actively volunteering some social events. One of them was Autism Care Indonesia (ACI). I had regular opportunities to have conversation and play with children with autism, and ADHD. I helped raise the funds that could potentially change someone's future and introduce the organization to a lot of people so they will know and help poor children with autism by making association with psychology students as its members to let them apply their knowledges in interacting with those children.

please help me to correct the grammar and if there's something missing, please tell me :) thank you so much
gbekil 7 / 17 2  
Oct 22, 2014   #2
Your examples are good, but you used a lot of "and"s which makes me confused, instead of "and" you can use moreover, in addition, etc...

my selfmyself
I have always been a part of student council and trusted to be a leader in it.
you can say --> I have always been a part of student councils that are trusted as a leader.
OP uci31 2 / 3 1  
Oct 22, 2014   #3
thankyou so much for your help, anyway, is there anything i should add in my essay ? i am kind of confused of putting in something related to business administration :(


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