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Discuss your short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? Which are prioritie


mimiho 1 / -  
Nov 19, 2012   #1
Can someone please help me read through my essay and correct my grammar? Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help!!

My grandpa who has been living with a stroke for almost 20 years, it affected his movement, speech and other abilities. He can only say some simple words, he is so frustrated when he is trying to tell others what he wants or means, but they don't understand him. I still remember when I was a little girl; I helped him how to read the alphabet, gave him a vaccine, or wrote a prescription for him. I love my grandpa dearly; he is my motivation to make me want to be a good pharmacist in the future because I want to make a difference thing in other's lives by providing best medicine to help they maintain living in a good way.

The day I left Vietnam, and came in America was a big opportunity for me and my family because people have said whatever you dream, you could make it happen in America. I have been living in America for almost four years. The four years that taught me the importance of optimism, but the notion did not come at once. English had been one of my favorite subjects in school back in Vietnam, but when I came to America, English became my hardest problem. However, one of my teachers has said to me, "A winner is a loser who never gave up.", instead of giving up, I'm trying to conquer my problems for each day. Yet to this day, I still set my high goals, and trying harder to achieve them one day in the future. My first priority is to focus on my career at a time because I'm going to college next year, so I need to know what I should do to help me take a closer step to my goals. My intention is going to get a bachelor in Biochemistry, and my wildest dream is to get into Pharmacy School after getting my degree in Science. Being able to obtain my PharmD degree has become my long- term goal. In order to accomplish this goal, I have set many short- term goals to prepare for myself to endure hardship because I know the road I'm going to walk in the future is very challenge. To prepare myself for college, I take advance courses, and many science classes through the four years in high school. Even though, it is stressful, but I have learned the meaning of diligence, I believe if I work had, it is possible to get an "A". One of my short- term goals is to graduate high school with high grades. Another goal I wish is to pass my pharmacy technician test after I graduate from high school in order to help me work with pharmacists, I can gain more experiences and learn new things from them. I will try my best to achieve these short- term goals, and then I will be able to achieve my long- term goal as being a pharmacist. My passion for medicine sprouted in me at a very little age. I believe nothing can obstruct me from pursuing my dream.
Songkong 4 / 8  
Nov 19, 2012   #2
Nice heartfelt story.
The first sentence is worded kindly of weirdly, it sounds like 2 different sentences.
The first paragraph doesn't really match up to the second one
AzizZ 2 / 24 1  
Nov 19, 2012   #3
my grandfather is more correct than grandpa
sanchit - / 1  
Nov 20, 2012   #4
hmm.. heart touching story...
there are few errors though...
1. ... know the road I'm going to walk in the future is very challengechallenging .
2. Even though, it is stressful, but I have learned the meaning of diligence, I believe if I work hadhard , it is possible to get an "A".

rest.. vocabulary used is appropriate and apt. Just try to bring down the essay into short paragraphs, so that it would not look monotonous.


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