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Contribute to homeland: Wesleyan University Freeman Asian Scholarship Essay!!


hahahaha122 2 / 2  
Jan 12, 2010   #1
please tell us how you would use your Wesleyan education to make a contribution to your home country.

What will I be after receiving 4 years of education in Wesleyan? And what can I do to contribute myself for my home country? Predicting exactly what I will do after 4 years from now is almost impossible; however, one thing that I am sure of is that I will be the influential leader who works in professional fields Korea as I finish my studies at Wesleyan University. The influential leader is a person who participates in the development of Korea in desirable and positive way. Then, is Wesleyan a perfect school to satisfy my goal as the influential leader in the future?

Unlike other colleges where they focus delivering narrow-minded teachings, Wesleyan provides liberal arts and sciences curriculum which covers various and rigorous academic programs. In a rapidly changing global society, a leader has to have open-mindedness as a part of one's character so that a leader could be flexible in responding to the crisis at any time. Comprehensive background knowledge and critical thinking, the valuable gifts that I will obtain in Wesleyan, will make provisions for the future difficulties, which helps to shape powerful leadership.

One major advantage of attending a small-sized University like Wesleyan is the various opportunities to frequently discuss and debate on social issues or academic researches during classes. As I participate in diverse discussions and group projects, I will learn how to interchange different views lively and smoothly. A number of conflicts that occur in today's society can be compromised by discussions and persuasions which I will experience numerous times in Wesleyan. Thus, to be the true leader who settles discords and conflicts, one has to have superior ability in two way communications.

In Wesleyan, I will be able to establish strong academic tie with renowned professors and participate in various research projects. Meeting passionate and dedicated faculties, which deepens profound knowledge, will form the basis of becoming the future professional and, therefore, bring benefit to the economic and social development of my homeland, Korea, after 4 years from now.

The significance of college education is in the contribution to the society. As I realize my possibility and potential and, thus, boost my confidence and self-respect as I receive Wesleyan education, the value of Wesleyan education is invaluable. Positive energy that I have will change the society in better way and influence significantly to others.

I hope to be a part of Wesleyan community so that I could be the leading pioneer in the development of my homeland.

Plz correct any grammar errors or sentence structures. I know the content is little bit weak but I just need this essay to be done ASAP. Thank you!
linmark 2 / 328 7  
Jan 13, 2010   #2
The prompt asks for how you will use your Wesleyan education to make a contribution to your home country. Aside from these generalities: I will be the influential leader who works in professional fields Korea which is incomplete - what is "professional fields Korea??", "bring benefit to the economic and social development of my homeland, Korea, after 4 years from now" and "I could be the leading pioneer in the development of my homeland" you only wrote about leadership and about what makes Wesleyan the perfect school.

How about a specific dream goal? Just have fun and fantasize what would be your "dream come true" contribution to Korea - be more specific and tailor it to your neighborhood, your school, your community. It could be as simple as an exchange program, a magazine, a tutoring system. "Start small but think big!!"
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 18, 2010   #3
Then, is Wesleyan a perfect school to satisfy my goal as the influential leader in the future?

This part is where you go wrong, I think. ow about changing this sentence to say this:
Wesleyan is the perfect school to prepare me, because of its _____________, the __________, and its _________________.

This will establish a good structure for the essay. In the body paragraphs, you mention several important points. So, introduce them by filling in the blanks above and using that as your thesis statement at the end of para #1.

I think as you revise, you should write more about your aspirations, not just about the school. Don't just say you have no plan. Say what you can about whatever plan you have in mind.

:-)


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