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Benefit to Home Country,Future long-term Goals/ UK Scholarship


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Jan 7, 2013, 02:39pm   #1
Hi everyone,

I have plans to apply for XXXX scholarship. I applied last year as well but the stuff I wrote in my application was quite lame, I think that is the reason why I didn't get the opportunity. I want my application to be perfect this time. The problem is, I don't know exactly what and how should I explain regarding Benefit to Home Country, Future Career Plans, Objectives During the award, Long term goals in my application. Please help me regarding that.
I'm pasting the stuff I wrote in last year's application, please help me refine it.

XXX Scholarships in the United Kingdom receive funding from the XXXXXXX
Preference will therefore be given to candidates who can demonstrate that their work will help achieve the development objectives of
their home country.Candidates are asked to provide a statement explaining how the proposed study will benefit their home country,
and how the skills and qualifications obtained will be applied on their return. References to any existing national shortages or needs
would be particularly welcome. (500 words maximum):

From my parental background, I belong to a community that lived in very poor conditions in a village named “Langarpur” in Punjab,
a couple of generations back. My grandfather was the first person in the community to have educated himself in the city and earned a
job teaching at a high school in XXX. He then helped the entire community to raise its standard of living which shaped the next
generation as lower middle class families living on small shops or clerical jobs. My mother continued my grandfather's legacy and
was one of the first people to get a Master's degree in my family. My father is not much educated, but it is his strong desire that he
wants to see his children very educated and professional. Ever since many people in our community have looked up to our family for
role models and educational guidance. This places immense responsibility on my shoulders to educate myself and to inspire the next
generation of the community towards academic excellence. Apart from my grandfather's legacy, the motivation for it also comes from
my belief that highly educated individuals who trust in educational research and reason are vital for the future progress of our society,
who would counter the current ignorant fundamentalism and radical belief systems threatening our country today.
For me, the combination of technical and management fields is great. During my studies, I used to supervise and take interest in
managing the semester group projects, also I realized that I had genuine interest in development and management subjects, besides I
feel that our society lacks sustainable development, for these reasons I have chosen “Project management”
and want to learn more about it. I work really hard with full dedication in studies when it comes to studying subjects of my own
choice, and I can say with full confidence that I will do my best and cope with the demands of course.
Being given the opportunity to study in a UK Institution will not only provide me a
chance to achieve best standard of education but also I will learn more about British culture and psyche. Currently, the amount of
research being done in Pakistan is minimal. To improve the quality and quantity of education research we need specialized
intellectuals who can take the role of leaders. It is in this regard that I can play a vital role and serve my country. I think that
XXX scholarship would not only permit me to realize my dreams of academic excellence in my domain but will
also give me an opportunity to broaden my experiences by exchanging ideas with other people and at the same time serve my country
and later on inspire others to strive for academic excellence.


Objectives During the award:
-To enhance and apply my knowledge in a professionally challenging environment so as to gain experience and contribute to the
institution.
-To learn and gain as much knowledge as I can, throughout my Master's duration.
-To learn more about British culture and psyche, which I am highly interested in.
-To serve my country in the best possible way after I return.
-To apply my knowledge that I have gained after returning, in work environment in the best possible way.

Future Career Plans:
There are two things I am highly interested in, one is Educational field, and the other is Managerial field. It depends upon the job
which I am offered later after completing my Master's in Project Management

Long-term career plans:
After my award is over, I will start looking for a job that best suit my qualification in Pakistan. Upon getting a job, I will try my best
to serve my country in the best possible way.


Please help me refine my content. Especially Objectives during the award, future career plans and long-term career plans. You responses/comments will be highly appreciated. Thanks in regards.
Hi :) I have some ideas for changing your wording.

From my parental background, I belong to a community that lived in very poor conditions in a village named “Langarpur” in Punjab, a couple of generations back.
Maybe this would sound better: "My parents and I come from an underprivileged community named “Langarpur” in Punjab."

He then used his education to help the entire community to raise its standard of living. which His contributions shaped the next generation as into lower middle class families living on small shops or clerical jobs.

My father is not much educated, but it is his strong desire that he wants to see his children very educated and professional.

You could also say it like this: "Although my father has little education, he has strongly encouraged his children to pursue professional careers."

Ever since Many people in our community have looked up to our family for role models and educational guidance.

Apart from my grandfather's legacy, the motivation for it also comes from my belief that highly educated individuals who trust in educational research and reason are vital for the future progress of our society, who would counter the current ignorant fundamentalism and radical belief systems threatening our country today.
This sentence is quite long, I suggest that you turn this into 2-3 shorter sentences.

For my own career path, the combination of technical and management fields is great ideal.

During my studies, I used to supervise and take interest in managing the semester group projects, also I realized that I had genuine interest in development and management subjects, besides I feel that our society lacks sustainable development, for these reasons I have chosen “Project management” and want to learn more about it.

This is another too-long sentence.

I work really am a hard worker with who is fully dedicated in to my education. studies. When it comes to studying subjects of my own choice, and I can say with full confidence that I will do my best and cope with the demands of course.
Jan 8, 2013, 02:13pm   #3
Thank you so much Jennyflower81 , that was very helpful. I appreciate it a lot :). But the question of long term goals and benefits upon return to home country still remain there. I badly need help in those three things.



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