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Bachelor's Degree and becoming a prosecutor; Scholarship Essay/ Short&Long TERM GOALS


lexilex1995 6 / 17  
Jan 9, 2013   #1
Discuss your short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? Which are priorities?

That once in the lifetime experience, It is symbolized with caps and gowns, diplomas signifying a successful completion of high school, and hysterical parents acting crazy from excitement of their child(ren) proceeding to the next stage of life. Out of all the short-term goals that seniors add on to their list, the most important one is graduation. What senior can resist the hype of success? It is a vibrant feeling to receive, like holding a newborn baby.

The difference between me and other seniors are that my short-term goal is to graduate as valedictorian with an Honors Diploma. I always fantasize about walking across the stage wearing a cap with a flowing long gown along with the honors graduation sash hanging from my shoulders. As I walk toward the administrators, a feeling of success builds up. Just the thought of receiving my Honors Diploma gives me a tingling sensation. It is like the thrill of riding a roller coaster for the first time.The feeling of accomplishment arriving soon is very exciting. I am awaiting the arrival of success that my hard work has been contributing towards. I am taking more rigorous course to show that anything I put my mind to I will accomplish. Its like a wall is blocking me and with each motivation I build I am tearing it down with my mind.

Other than being valedictorian, participating in a summer internship, at Derrick Strahorn Law Firm, is another one of my short-term goals. I plan to be an intern at this law firm, because I would like to gain working experience and well needed skills for the career path I have chosen. I have always thought of what it would be like to be prosecutor and how these prosecutors work to use the evidence found to pin a person guilty or not. The thought of making decisions to file charges against a defendant, sends goose bumps through my body. Now my next step is changing this thought to aid my long-term goals.

My long term goals are to obtain an Bachelor's Degree, enroll into law school, and become a prosecutor of international criminal courts. I became interested in becoming a prosecutor in the tenth grade when I participated in a Mock Trials program. As I reviewed over the paper work of the case Taylor Henlacks v. Dana Brody, I felt a sense of eagerness as I was deciding if the case should be presented in a criminal trial. It was like watching the mind-blowing ending of Twilight:PART TWO.

My goals of obtaining an Bachelor's Degree and becoming a prosecutor are my priorities and they are related. I know that in college I must work hard to attain a degree in criminal Justice, criminology, and history. I also realize that it will take time, but It is worth it due to the fact that the majors will prepare me for law school. I believe that the more I know about a specific crime and the criminals intention, The better I can provide a criminal court case. It will be just like a sudoku puzzle.
Th25cc 2 / 90 26  
Jan 9, 2013   #2
That once in the lifetime experience - it is symbolized with caps and gowns,

Use a dash and lowercase "it".

more rigorous courses

Course should be plural.

Other than being valedictorian, participating in a summer internship at Derrick Strahorn Law Firm is another one of my short-term goals.

Eliminate the commas.

defendant sends goose bumps through my body.

Eliminate the comma.

Now my next step is changing this thought to aid my long-term goals.

This sentence doesn't fit or work.

I believe that the more I know about a specific crime and the criminal's intention, the better I can prosecute that criminal in court. It will be just like a sudoku puzzle.

I made "criminal" posessive and I rephrased some of your sentence. I don't think law is anything like a sodoku puzzle, so eliminate that sentence. If you want, you can make a new ending sentence, but you don't have to.

Aside from those errors, your grammar is fine. You've done a much better job in answering the prompt this time than the first.

Good luck!
OP lexilex1995 6 / 17  
Jan 9, 2013   #3
it is ok that i use this for another essay that ask for personal goals and professional goals
Th25cc 2 / 90 26  
Jan 10, 2013   #4
Mostly good.

Everyone says

Say should be changed to "says".

criminal Justice, criminology, and history

Either capitalize all of these or make them all lowercase.

The essay finally gives a good picture about all of the goals you have. Good work! This is what happens when you embrace the writing process over time.


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